


Hearts of Fire

by ladyelori



Series: Dhavaria Surana [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst and Romance, Declarations Of Love, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love, Lust, Old Friends, POV Multiple, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Romance, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2020-11-24 04:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 42,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20901797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyelori/pseuds/ladyelori
Summary: Now her hand is raisedA sword to pierce the sunWith iron shield she defends the faithfulLet chaos be undone— Victoria 1:3When Dhavaria Surana died slaying the Archdemon, Ria was born.For ten years, she traveled Thedas in search of a cure to the Calling and after being successful, she had no idea where to turn. The world was at war with itself and on the brink of imploding due to the Breach. The Inquisition has spread across Ferelden and Orlais, with some of her old friends being a part of it.While Dhavaria died in her mind, the Hero still lives on in many people's hearts, including the very Commander of the Inquisition she turns to.





	1. A Lover's Regret

He never forgot her.

The way her hair shone in brief glimpses of sunlight casting through the windows. How her lips curled into a smile whenever their gazes met. Every little touch, word, laugh was ingrained into Cullen’s memory.

He also remembered the horror on the features he adored when blood mages wreaked havoc in Kinloch Hold. After hours of being tortured by demons plaguing his every sense, to see her on the other side of that barrier, an angel sent by Andraste herself. Every fiber within him screamed that it was her as she screamed his name and knelt opposite of him, begging for him to say something. His mind was already weak, his will tired, he would not allow the demons to break him like his comrades.

That was his biggest regret.

Allowing himself to succumb to the will of the demon. Saying nothing as the future king drug her away, tears glistening in her eyes. Heartbreak was written all over her. He wondered if she had ever forgiven him for that.

Even afterward, when it was all over, how he demanded for Greagoir to kill all of the surviving mages under the pretense that they may be blood mages as well. Blood magic seemed to be an epidemic, deemed on infecting the circle in its entirety.

But as he ranted to his superior, there she stood, her face portraying exactly what she thought of the words pouring past his lips. Her eyes shone with shock and her lips turned down with clear disappointment. “Cullen…” was all she had said, her voice sad and soft, but still managed to wound him. He had avoided her gaze.

That was the last time he saw her. How could someone forgive him after that?

The months drawled on and soon the news of the blight’s end reached him, along with the news of the sacrifice of an Elven mage, one of the last Grey Wardens. She had given her life to ending the blight when she landed the final blow to the Archdemon. Whispers said there was nothing left of her to bury, that she disappeared along with the dragon. A memorial was set up in Denerim by the newly appointed King Alistair Theirin, who people said she was involved with.

The world knew her as the Hero of Ferelden.

But, Cullen knew her as Dhavaria Surana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been quite a long time since I've written and posted online! Please be patient with me as a get back into the groove of things. Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy!


	2. All Endings Bring New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you couldn't tell already, I will be throwing most canon to the wall in this story. However, there will still be a rough outline of the Inquisition timeline!

“Take the lyrium.”

Her voice rang in his head. After how far he had come, Karina Trevelyan, the woman he thought he loved, looked him in the eyes and told him to continue taking lyrium.

Even in the horrible state Cullen was in, a dread set in at her words. Every fiber in his body begged for the poison, but he knew it was wrong. The spell would pass just like the urge. Cassandra would be disappointed in him, although she would not say it. Her respect meant something to him, along with his colleagues and Templars he worked with, some of which had been discussing wanting to follow in his footsteps. What kind of example would he be setting if he went back to the drug? What good would his word be? His pride, his _honor_, hung in the balance of the situation at hand.

He was no longer bound by the order and lyrium was the last link in the chain of obedience.

“Inquisitor Trevelyan,” he started slowly, watching her eyes grow cold at her title, “forgive me when I tell you that I must go against your wishes. I will not go back to lyrium.”

Karina was quiet, her face turned stoic. “I see, Commander. An unfortunate decision, one that will lead to unintended consequences.” She turned to go, but before opening the door, she turned to him. “Just because you dropped knight from your title and refuse lyrium does not make you any less of a Templar. Your reputation will always precede you,”

Cullen watched, astonished, as she disappeared from his office with another word. She had been so against him not taking lyrium any longer, that had been clear. Cassandra must have told her, not realizing how she’d react. But, of course, she was the Inquisitor and would have found out eventually. He had only wished it was before they had become romantically involved.

His eyes fell upon the shattered box and its contents strewn across the old wooden floor, marveling at how one decision changed the entire trajectory of his life. He was numb, the reality of what just happened hadn’t set in yet. A piece of him was angry that he had already broken the damned lyrium box so he could toss it from his window and watch as it was destroyed by the stone walls of the battlements and the ground below.

His knees still shook from the current effects of withdrawal and his head felt as it may explode. Maybe his illness was drowning out the heartbreak at the moment. He shuffled over to the stately chair behind his desk, lowering himself into it. Cullen’s head fell into his hands just as a soft knock sounded at his door making his stomach drop.

“Enter.” He permitted, following a long sigh, but he did not pick his head up.

The door opened and a light gait tread towards him. “Cullen? What happened?”

Leliana. Why was he not surprised?

“Now is not the time, Leliana.” Cullen let his hands fall to his desk, looking up at her slowly.

“Apologies, I only wanted to make sure you were alright.” Her eyes met his, a hint of sympathy lingering in them as if she knew what had transpired. It wasn’t hard to guess thanks to the shards of his former lyrium kit decorating the floor.

Another sigh left his lips. “The Inquisitor was inquiring about my decision to stop taking lyrium.”

She only raised an eyebrow, beckoning him to continue.

He pushed aside his annoyance at her prying. “She didn’t agree. At all. The Inquisitor insisted that I continue to take the lyrium,”

“And?”

“I told her no.”

The Spymaster nodded slowly. “Surprising, seeing as how you two are _involved_.” She said, emphasizing the last word.

“I believe were is the correct term now, Leliana,” Cullen spoke lowly, clenching his hands into fists. “She told me that I would always be a Templar, even without the lyrium”

“I see,” she pondered, pausing for a moment. “Although, it is not surprising seeing as how she comes from a family of Templars. All of which she is very close to.”

He dropped his head once more, not wanting to meet her piercing gaze any longer. “I loved her, which was a foolish thing to do.”  
“Cullen—”

“Please, Leliana, I don’t want your sympathy.” He insisted, with the raising of a hand. The conversation was making his headache worse.

“Would you like me to inform Josie and Cassandra of what happened?” She took another step closer.

“No, thank you, I will tell them myself.”

“Very well, I will leave you be.” Leliana withdrew something from her coat. “This is for you, I meant to give it to you a while ago, but never found the right time for it.” Placing it on the desk, she made her way to the door. “Feel better, Cullen.” Was all she said before he was alone once more.

Cullen looked at the object, finding it to be an envelope. Picking it up, he examined the front, eyebrows furrowing for a moment as he read his name written across the front in neat penmanship that seemed so familiar. Then it clicked and he immediately felt the need to retch. Dropping the envelope like it was on fire, he jumped from his seat, the chair slamming against the back wall from the force.

It was _her_ handwriting, Dhavaria’s. How long had it been since he had seen it? More than ten years? And yet, he still could pick it out due to distant memories. The two had previously passed notes and letters back and forth, but the ones he had kept had been lost during Kinloch.

Seeing his name on that paper now was like a slap in the face. The envelope was old and worn. It had been creased several times as if it had been shoved into pockets and stored for some time now. The lettering was slightly smudged as if it had been hastily written. All of it made him even more afraid to divulge it of the contents.

His breath was coming out in quick spurts, unwanted thoughts and recollections invading his head, worsening the pain already living within his skull. Why had Leliana just given him this, especially if it was as old as it looked? Rushing to the door, he threw it open desperately searching for the Spymaster for answers. Of course, she was nowhere to be seen. The sky was growing dark and patrols were getting ready to change.

“Ser!” One recruit exclaimed, her body suddenly rigid in attention, hand to chest as a salute.

“As you were.” He muttered, turning back into his office before shutting and bolting the door.

There was a brief moment of stillness as Cullen rested his back against the wood, closing his eyes in attempts to get control of his mind running wild. Today had been too much—Karina, lyrium, the letter—he missed the repetition the days prior brought. Wake up, drills, work, and sometimes sleep before repeating it all again.

Opening his eyes, Cullen stole a glance at the unopened letter on his desk. He swallowed hard as if the sight of it alone was mocking him. How many times had he thought of her? Dreamt of her? Specifically watched her die in his dream, even if he been miles away from where she had given her life to Thedas.

She would have wanted me to read it. His thoughts sickened him more. With trembling hands, he began to walk towards his desk before stopping.

“Tomorrow.”

With that empty promise to himself, he all but fled to the loft above his office as if it were a holy refuge from his past and current life. In a way, it was. No one entered but him, much unlike his office which bustled with runners and recruits alike all day. But his chambers were his own. For once, he could take a breath and think clearly. It also made him feel a bit freer thanks to the hole in the ceiling that allowed the cool night air to seep in. The chill was a welcomed sensation amid his fits of night terrors, aiding from the clutches of demons and the fade back to reality.

As Cullen shed his armor, the sinking feeling that he would not sleep easy washed over him. There was too much on his mind to rest, which in turn, made him even more exhausted. He sunk onto his bed, running a hand through his hair, loosening the pomade previously used to style his hair that Leliana and Josie poked fun at him for.

  
Just like he had predicted, sleep would not come easily that night.

His dreams were plagued with _her_. Some felt so real as if they were memories, but he could not yet decipher them to be fiction or not. And as Cullen lay awake in bed, retreating from the harshness of his unconscious mind, he could only think of what awaited him in the letter.

Finally, he caved.

Carefully creeping back down to his office as if he may disturb some entity there with him, he moved to his desk, trying to ignore the shaking in his hands. After lighting a candle, he lowered himself down in his chair while proceeding to take another moment to stare at the letter before gathering the courage to break the seal and pull out the letter from inside. Along with the paper, an object fell out, clanging against the surface of his desk. Lifting the object, he studied it carefully in the light of the candle. It was a golden ring, one she had always worn in the Circle. Swallowing hard, he set the piece of jewelry down before beginning to read the words scrawled across the parchment.

_My dearest Cullen,_

_I am writing this to you because the news of my death will soon_ _ span Ferelden. I know this because I intend to kill the Archdemon and end the Fifth Blight within a fortnight. _

_It has been some t__ime since we have last spoken and I do not intend for this to be our final correspondence. Take this as you will, for I do not plan on going down without a fight, whatever that may mean. Maybe I shall just haunt you, that would be the simplest solution, but not the fairest to you. Your dreams are already haunted enough from Kinloch. Seeing you so broken __then, hurt me to my core. How I longed to feel the weight of your_ _arms around me and to comfort you in whatever way I could. I know what you said wasn’t you, you were hurt and angry. I can’t say I blame you whatsoever. You need not seek my forgiveness. I don’t know what I would’ve done had I been in your position and I know you well enough that you keep yourself up wondering about such matters._

_And if I am wrong, well, I’m not so we don’t have to worry about it, right?_

_I love you now and forever. Don’t forget about me. I bring a piece of you_ _with me wherever I go, no matter how many enchanted amulets I come across, my favorite will always be yours. It is only fair you have a piece of me as well, one that will allow me to always find my way back to you._

_I will see you again._

_All my love,_

_Ria_

Cullen sat back in his chair, gripping the paper hard enough to crumble it slightly. Realizing it after a few breaths, he relaxed his grip and allowed it to float down and rest among the sea of paperwork in front of him.

The letter had been at least ten years old. There was a new wave of heartbreak that choked him along with an anger brewing over the fact Leliana had withheld it for so long. She had loved him still, even to her last breath. She had forgiven him, even though he didn’t deserve it.

A sense of numbness caressed him for the second time that day. He was shutting down, his mind and body not knowing how to react. No matter what he did, he couldn’t tell his legs to get up and move. It was as if he was rooted in the chair and floor in his office. All he could do was stare at the writing in front of him, pouring over the words again and again.

_I will see you again._

You will, Ria. That was what he told himself.

_Do not forget me._

Cullen could never forget her. 

And as he read her letter once more, he knew there would be no more sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I am working on getting this story up and running and will soon work on having a set update schedule. Thank you so much for your support and patience!


	3. Tensions Run High

Even after a few weeks, Cullen could still feel the tension that resonated in the War Room. Luckily, he was feeling better that day, which meant he had enough energy to at least bear Karina’s cold treatment and harsh eyes. Every time he spoke she seemed to simply stare off, hardly listening.

Frankly, she was acting like a child.

Leliana was growing more frustrated with the Inquisitor as her warnings about the odd happenings with the Grey Wardens were being brushed off as well. Josephine was just uncomfortable with the situation as a whole. When matters grew more unbearable, she shifted her weight and cleared her throat before attempting to steer the conversation back on track.

Today was no different. The atmosphere around the newly inhabited Skyhold was already tense thanks to the looming threat of Corypheus, some sort of Darkspawn magister. Who, as described by Karina, was generally just a freak of nature who talks too damn much. Also, the arrival of Anja Hawke, much to Cassandra’s fury, had arrived thanks to Varric. She too was insisting there was something wrong with the Wardens and was requesting the Inquisition’s aid. Cullen had obviously done his best to avoid the mage. The two did not get along in Kirkwall, which was his fault, but he could not see it starting now.

The Maker had taken pity on him and she was absent from the meeting.

“Inquisitor, surely with the arrival of Anja Hawke had confirmed my suspicions about the Wardens,” Leliana began slowly, studying Karina.

“Yes, Leliana, I suppose so. What of it?” Karina seemed to sigh. "Blackwall and Hawke aren't enough? We know something is going on,"

Unfazed, she continued, “While I appreciate their contributions, I have had my contact investigate and she, like the Champion, validates the claims. She had a…_unique_ insight on the situation.”

The Inquisitor raised an eyebrow at her. “And?”

“I have asked her to come to Skyhold to address the War Council with her information. She should be here within a day or so,”

Cullen and Josephine exchanged eye contact with one another.

“I will have a room prepared for her then,” Josie offered, writing something down on the parchment in front of her.

“Yes, thank you, Josephine,” Karina muttered, rubbing her forehead. “Any idea how many more surprise guests I am supposed to receive from any of you?” Her words had a bitter tone to them.

Cullen let his eyes fall to the map sprawled across the table between them, wishing for a change of subject. And finally, after no response, the Inquisitor dismissed them.

The rest of the day carried on with no surprises. There was no word of a visitor entering Skyhold, or even his soldiers reporting of anyone in the vicinity. As he stood on the Battlements, watching a few soldiers spar, he pondered the curious meaning of Leliana’s words. What did she mean by a “unique perspective”? She couldn’t be in contact with a Grey Warden, surely? Besides, they had Blackwall and Hawke was in contact with a Warden already.

_I will see you again._

Cullen shook his head as if to clear the words from his mind. For weeks now that damned letter had taunted him.

_It is only fair you have a piece of me as well._

His hand touched the place where the ring lay beneath his armor, resting on a chain he had gotten from Harritt the day after Leliana gave him the letter.

_One that will allow me to find my way back to you._

Suddenly, the feeling as if he was being watched crept upon him. He stood straight up, searching around him, only to find nothing more than the guards on duty. But he was used to them. This feeling was a new and unsettling one.

Turning to the other side of the Battlements, Cullen found a raven perched upon the ledge, watching him. He almost laughed at how spooked he had gotten over one of Leliana’s messenger birds. However, this one seemed a bit odd. This bird just sat and stared at him, not moving nor making a sound.

Cullen stepped forward, trying to shoo it off, but it was no use.

“What? Did Leliana send you after me for something?” He asked in a mocking tone. “Go and tell her whatever she wants to know, she can come and ask me herself.” The notion of him speaking to a bird in such a way made him chuckle.

It simply cocked its head at him, sat there for a few more moments before finally taking flight and heading straight into the Spymaster’s refuge.

For a moment, he swore instead of bird wings, he saw the flap of black fabric in the window until nothing was visible.

“Maker,” Cullen mumbled, shaking his head, blaming it on his lack of sleep.

He retired to his office quickly, settling behind his desk. His mind and body craving a sense of normalcy. To the Commander of the Inquisition, that meant throwing himself into the mountain of work that never ceased. Another sleepless night would follow, much to Cassandra’s disappointment. She had grown increasingly worried for him ever since the incident with Karina over the lyrium. He’d rather deal with the physical symptoms that came with the little sleep than face the nightmares it caused.

Tonight would be no different.

His eyes wandered over the piles of work that cluttered his desk, not having the patience to deal with any of it at that current moment. Instead, he settled on the desk that held that piece of paper he had poured over each night as if something new would appear. Just like before, Cullen opened the drawer slowly and quietly withdrew the letter. His finger traced over the neat lettering on the front. Her penmanship reflected her years in the Circle, elegant and flowing, but still refined. Each letter had smooth curves, contrary to his poor excuse for handwriting that Leliana and Josephine complained of.

He still hadn’t asked Leliana why she had just given it to him. One, there had been little time to meddle on such matters since the collapse of Haven. And two, Cullen was afraid of the answer.

Tomorrow he promised himself, as he opened the letter, tomorrow he would ask her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the inconsistent posting! I'm working on trying to get on a better schedule. As always, thank you so much for reading and being patient with me!  
**EDIT: I fixed some of the previous timeline errors**


	4. The Voice of a Ghost

He had run his thumb across the letter so many times, Cullen was surprised that the already fraying paper didn’t have a hole by now.

The plan had been to question Leliana about it before the meeting started, however, she had yet to show causing her to be late by her standards. He had hoped to gather at least some peace of mind before the start of the meeting, maybe even allowing him to think clearly for at least a few moments.

Perhaps it was a sign from the Maker that he would be worse off discussing it beforehand anyway.

Even so, he stood as a lone soul is the War Room. His only companions were the markers on the map, spread across the table like toy soldiers. Sometimes he wishes they were just toy soldiers instead of real people, the ones who lose their lives for a cause they believe in.

The doors swung open and a familiar chatting ensued. From the voices, only Josephine and Karina had entered, talking about some gossip about a noble family they both knew of. His back was to them as he continued to stare down at his hands, shuffling through some papers to make himself look occupied.

“No Leliana?” Josie asked, surprised at the Spymaster’s absence.

“Not yet,” he replied quickly, still organizing his reports.

He could hear a stifled giggle from his colleagues, drawing his gaze upwards finally. “Am I missing a joke?” Cullen questioned them, maybe a bit too hastily.

“Nothing, Commander,” cooed Karina in the mocking tone she had adopted for the past week or so.

He sighed, wishing for Leliana to hurry so they could start the meeting and be done.

As if his prayers were answered, the door opened again and the soft footsteps of Leliana sounded. “My apologies for being late, my contact has just arrived. I got caught up talking to her,” she offered her explanation while taking her place beside Cullen.

“Ah, yes. And where is she?” Karina prodded. “Aren’t we supposed to meet this important content of yours?”

Josephine gave the Inquisitor a look as if to tell her to reign in her attitude.

“With due time, Inquisitor. She will join us shortly,” Leliana didn’t miss a beat in responding to the jab. “Now, shall we begin?”

As the meeting progressed, the letter drifted from his mind. When Cullen was occupied with other matters, everything else seemed to fade away. That’s why he didn’t notice the door opening while he was talking.

“I hope I’m not too late,” a voice mused behind him. Every muscle in Cullen’s body went rigid. It sounded so familiar, but so impossible at the same time. The voice that had spoken was one that plagued his mind, it was one of a ghost.

Leliana’s face broke out into a smile as she turned around, clearly noticing his reaction. Karina stared at him before focusing on the intruder.

“Not at all,” the Spymaster insisted, stepping away from the table. “I would like to introduce my contact and long-time friend, Seriah.”

Karina nodded to her and Josephine smiled politely.

“Seriah, this is Inquisitor Trevelyan.”

She nodded once more, followed by a curt, “Welcome.”  
“Our ambassador, Lady Josephine Montilyet.”

“A true pleasure, Lady Seriah.” Josephine’s charm shone brightly as she warmly greeted the newcomer.

“Please, Lady Montilyet, I am no Lady.” Seriah laughed. “Just Seriah will do,”

_No, you’re so much more._

“And finally, Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition’s forces.”

Slowly, Cullen turned to face her. He could feel his hands shaking as he reached for the pommel of his sword to hide them. There in front of him stood the woman he thought was dead for the past ten years. Her image had haunted his dreams, her words taunting him with what he could never have again.

Ria looked mostly the same from when he had last seen her, besides the obvious fact she was older, they both were. Scars cut through the brown skin of her face, the most noticeable crossing over her eye and down to her chin. Her hair was shorter and lighter from what he’d remembered. No longer was it the long tendrils of deep brown, but a softer one from days under the sun and cropped right at her chin. But most of all, her eyes were mostly the same. Dark brown, practically black pierced his own. He had seen them so many times before, but there was a different look within them now. Hardened.

“A pleasure,” was what he managed to force from his lips. Anymore and Cullen surely was have melted under the pressure of the shock that coated his entire being.

His words were met with a smile, “It sure is, Commander.” He felt Karina’s gaze burning in his back.

Leliana beckoned Seriah towards the War Table, trying to hide a grin of her own. She situated herself in her usual place next to him but guided the visitor in between them. Once again, his body unwillingly tensed before he faced the table once more. He stared at the map, not wanting to meet Ria’s eyes, and certainly not Karina’s either. Cullen wasn’t sure which one would’ve been worse at that moment.

His mind was spinning. There was a conversation going on but he couldn’t hear a thing they were saying. A burning feeling of nausea was appearing as the blood pounded in his ears. How was she here? Dhavaria Surana had been dead for ten years. But she didn’t call herself Dhavaria, maybe it was someone who just looked and sounded like her? Cullen recognized her in some aspects but didn’t in others. It was all too much.

“Cullen?”

He jumped, searching for who was trying to get his attention. Josephine had a worried expression on her face as she spoke once more, “Are you alright?”

Clearing his throat, he straightened his posture as best he could. “Yes, Josephine, thank you.”

Though unconvinced, she still nodded.

“We need to make a move on the Grey Wardens,” Leliana continued, “word from Hawke arrived this morning that Stroud has been located. The Inquisitor and a small party, including Seriah, will go to meet them.”

“Why must she come along?” Karina questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“She has experience with the Wardens—”

“So does Blackwall.”

Ria cleared her throat, interrupting their dispute. “I was once a Grey Warden,”

Cullen snapped his head to look at her and then Leliana who seemed just as taken aback.

“Why do you all look so shocked?” She laughed. “You’ve met Grand Enchanter Fiona; she was a Grey Warden once too. There are many prior Wardens out there, they just don’t advertise it until it’s their end and they disappear. I left the order a long time ago to pursue a greater cause, but I still hear this Calling that is described in your reports. Something about it isn’t right,”

Josephine jotted something down, Karina simply nodded. “I see. I am beginning to understand why Leliana insisted you would be a great help to the Inquisition. I just hope your cause doesn’t get in the way of _ours_.” There was a slight bitterness to the last word, but the Warden seemed little affected by it.

“On that note, you all will leave in two days' time. Inquisitor, please inform those you would like in your party to be ready to ride to Crestwood.” Josephine added in, still writing.

“Be aware of the troubles that are in Crestwood already, it is good you are going now because Maker knows how much worse it can get.” Cullen finally piped in. “The dead are continually coming out of the lake all while demons are raising havoc,”

“I will bear that in mind, Commander.” Karina nodded. “Dorian, Blackwall, and Sera will accompany me along with Seriah. Be ready to ride at dawn in two days,” she stared at Seriah.

It was met with a wry grin. “Of course, my Lady.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading! Sorry if the chapters are a bit short, I've been super busy with school and am hoping to start releasing longer chapters once the story gets going!


	5. A False Martyr's Heart

From the moment the two first met, Seriah could already tell that she and Karina Trevelyan were not going to get along. The Inquisitor and so-called _Herald of Andraste _seemed just like every other entitled noble brat she had run into in her life. From a young age, she had dealt with them thanks to her time in the circle as they called her “knife-ear” and walked around with a stick up their asses.

But that seemed like lifetimes ago—in a way, it was.

It was odd standing in the middle of the Inquisition’s War Room now, her two lives already beginning to collide.

When Leliana reached out to her and asked for help with a situation regarding the Wardens, Seriah was hesitant. If it were not for the incessant ringing in her ears, she would’ve declined her outright. When the song had first started, she had believed it to be the real Calling, even if she was still younger than most who hear it. However, after Leliana sent word of the possibility of it being false, it was clear the matter could not be brushed off.

Not that she would ever admit it aloud, but, after believing she successfully found the cure to the real Calling, Seriah was ready to settle after ten years of running. And not in the immediate “settle down and have a cute little family” kind of settling, she had a poor track record in that part of her life. She wanted to be in one place, a place where she could call home and return to at the end of the day. Sure, tents and inns were okay. They lose the lackluster after a decade of relying on them though. Perhaps the Inquisition, Skyhold, would be that place.

The one thing she had forgotten to consider until it was too late as the man next to her that looked as if he were about to topple over if the wind blew too hard. She couldn’t even imagine how much noise that would’ve made seeing the amount of armor he was dressed in.

It had been a long time since she had seen Cullen. They had been different people the last time they saw each other. Just the thought of Kinloch made her heart wrench and her breath become unsteady. The fall of her Circle would be something she didn’t think she would ever get over. Seriah still woke up in a cold sweat after nightmares of the demons, the blood magic, Cullen being tortured. Each time she gripped that pendant he had given her before she was enlisted in the Wardens, all because she had gone along with Grand Enchanter Irving’s orders. How different would things have been if she just refused?

_You wouldn’t have to pretend to be dead, you would be dead._

Seriah sucked in a breath, pushing the thought from her mind.

She stole a glance at Cullen once more, he hadn’t seemed to move. There was a gleam of sweat on his brow as he pondered something hard. She wasn’t surprised, he thought her to be dead for the last ten years.

“Cullen?” The Ambassador’s voice snapped him out of whatever trance he had been in. “Are you alright?”

He nodded, “Yes, Josephine, thank you.”

What a liar.

Shaking her head, she turned her attention back towards the map displayed on the War Table in front of her, only to catch the Inquisitor’s piercing gaze. Maker, that woman didn’t need blades with that glare.

“We need to make a move on the Grey Wardens,” Leliana continued, “word from Hawke arrived this morning that Stroud has been located. The Inquisitor and a small party, including Seriah, will go to meet them.” Seriah turned to meet her friend’s eyes, an amused grin on her face.

Before she could say anything, the Herald spoke up. “Why must she come along?”

She sounded like a child after their mother made them bring their little sibling somewhere, which only made her want to roll her eyes.

With the calmness of Andraste herself, Leliana answered, “She has experience with the Wardens—”

“So does Blackwall.”

There was another Warden? She hadn’t sensed one near.

Seriah piped up before they could continue their little spat. “I was once a Grey Warden,”

Silence. Oh, Maker, she had done it now. “Why do you all look so shocked? You’ve met Grand Enchanter Fiona; she was a Grey Warden once too (too bad she’s dead now). There are many prior Wardens out there, they just don’t advertise it until it’s their end and they disappear. I left the order a long time ago to pursue a greater cause, but I still hear this Calling that is described in your reports. Something about it isn’t right,”

How should she have known Leliana didn’t give them an insight into her qualifications? Although, she shouldn’t have been surprised.

“I see. I am beginning to understand why Leliana insisted you would be a great help to the Inquisition. I just hope your cause doesn’t get in the way of _ours_.” The Inquisitor looked her in the eye once more, emphasizing the last word.

Lady Montilyet jumped in, “On that note, you all will leave in two days’ time. Inquisitor, please inform those you would like in your party to be ready to ride to Crestwood.”

“Be aware of the troubles that are in Crestwood already, it is good you are going now because Maker knows how much worse it can get. The dead are continually coming out of the lake all while demons are raising havoc,” Cullen informed the group, gripping the pommel of his sword.

“I will bear that in mind, Commander.” Karina nodded. “Dorian, Blackwall, and Sera will accompany me along with Seriah. Be ready to ride at dawn in two days,” she stared at Seriah.

“Of course, my Lady.” Seriah gave her the friendliest smile she could muster. Leliana was sure not kidding when she said the Inquisitor was a challenge to deal with. One would think Andraste would’ve chosen a more well-rounded person to lead such a movement or maybe it was just another one of the Maker’s curveballs. She honestly didn’t know how many more she could take.

The advisors and the Inquisitor began to leave the room, Cullen being the quickest to leave.

Seriah lifted her hood to cover her head once more as she left with Leliana. “So,” she began in a quiet tone to her friend as they made their way into the main hall, “how much alcohol should I take with me to survive this trip?”

Leliana gave her a side-eye, clearly not appreciating the jest, resulting in a frown upon her own face.

“I have to get back to work to make sure your trip does go smoothly. However, we still have lots to talk about, find me later.” She squeezed her arm before departing to the stairway that led back to her office of sorts.

Watching her go, Seriah pulled her cloak closer to herself before venturing out, not sure where she was going. All she knew was that it would be nice to have a drink in her hand and she had overheard that there was, in fact, a tavern within the walls of the fortress. All she had to do was follow the drunks and music.

Luckily, it wasn’t too hard to do. 

The tavern was bustling with customers. Loud jeering from a large Qunari and a mix of other patrons by his side, a bard singing sweetly whilst playing her lute, and the clanking of steins filled with ale. She couldn’t help but smile at the chaos, it provided her a bit of familiarity from her time as a Warden. She had forgotten how much she missed traveling all over Ferelden with her merry band of misfits. The majority of the past ten years had been lonely. Morrigan had the baby, Leliana on another holy mission, and Zevran was Zevran. What she wouldn’t give to have him here.

She couldn’t leave all of her past behind, she never wanted to. Now, Seriah was discovering more of her first life was coming up again as time went by.

Quickly getting her ale, she ignored the odd look the bartender had given her, and found a set in a more deserted part, facing the wall. Skyhold and its people were still unfamiliar to her which meant separation from the rest of them was crucial to her façade. It had worked thus far.

To attempt to fill the lonely feeling, she pulled a small journal from its place in her cloak. There were few things she could carry with her, but she always had it with her. It was one way she fixed her craving for a companion. Writing letters that would never be sent, jotting her findings, recording her dreams—anything. In fact, the cure to the Calling was nestled amongst letters written to Cullen.

Once again, she couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

As much as she wanted to seek him out, the Commander already seemed in rough shape, she didn’t need to make it worse. Besides, for all she knew, he may hate her now. She didn’t know him anymore, just as he didn’t know her.

_Cullen,_

_I cannot read your mind nor your heart,_

_but I long to know what they both say.   
<strike>Do you still feel the same as I do? </strike>I am_

_ sorry about everything. I am sorry I_

_couldn’t tell you, or see you. <strike>I tried to find</strike>_

_ <strike>you.</strike> _

_You don’t have to understand why I did it,_

_one day, if you would like, I will tell you everything._

_Find it in your heart to forgive me, please. I wish_

_for us to be <strike>as we once were</strike> friends again. Although,_

_ I understand if you hated even the sight of me. <strike></strike>_

_I only hope you are well. Take care of yourself._

_All my love, still._

_Your Ria_

She stared at the page, slamming the journal shut when she read it over.

Seriah was a fool, her heart was her downfall, it always had been. Why couldn’t she simply let things go? It’s what got her into trouble in the first place. She jumped and gave her all before looking. It’s why the Taint runs through her veins and why there’s a memorial built-in memory of Dhavaria Surana in Denerim.

She shook her head before looking around, the bar was even more packed. She had lost track of time. People were beginning to file in to enjoy a night of drinking among friends.

Quietly, Seriah tucked the book back into her cloak and headed towards the door, making sure to keep her head down as she escaped into the night air. She paused, only for a moment, to look up at Skyhold.

This would not be a repeat of Denerim.

This time, she would stay in the shadows, helping Leliana in any way she could. She would test the instead of diving headfirst.

Perhaps Skyhold was where she could call home, at least for a while.

Only time would tell. 


	6. Tries and Truths

The following two days passed in the blink of an eye. Seriah had kept herself busy, mostly spending time with Leliana for it had been years since they had seen one another. They had both changed, having grown over the years. Her best friend was not the bubbly bard she traveled Ferelden with a decade ago, she was mimicking more of Morrigan’s dark and dangerous aura.

If only Morrigan were here now.

Last she knew, the mage was serving in Queen Celene’s court in Orlais. How she got herself wrapped up in such a thing, Seriah had no idea.

When bringing it up to Leliana, her friend wondered aloud, “Do you think Celene allows her to wander the palace in that scanty outfit she always wore?”

Seriah couldn’t help but laugh at such an image portrayed in her mind. Morrigan addressing a court full of Orlesian nobles, dressed to the nines in the latest fashion (which was just as ridiculous in her opinion). What she would give to see the faces made from behind those masks. How she missed her friend dearly.

That was the night before. Now, the sun was beginning to awaken the sky, soaking the darkness with its fire.

Seriah, along with the rest of the selected party, was making sure everything was for their departure. She had grown used to traveling light, one could not make it across Thedas and back with a cartload of items to drag along. Thankfully, the rest of them seemed to agree on this notion.

Dorian, a Tevinter mage, slipped a bottle of some sort into the pack strapped to his saddle. He caught her eye afterward and gave her a smug wink. As much as she tried not to, she couldn’t help but smile.

The only person she had met had been the Inquisitor, who was just bunches of fun. That stern look and knotted brow seemed to be etched on her face, it made Seriah wonder what was running through her mind to cause her so much trouble.

At the sound of approaching footsteps, Seriah turned to find Leliana walking towards her. 

“Leli,” she greeted her friend lowly with a smile.

Leliana dipped her head to hide the returned, but sadder, smile. “It has only been a few days and I will miss you terribly again,”

Reaching out, Seriah rested a hand on the woman’s forearm. “I swear on the Maker, I am returning to Skyhold after this mess gets settled. I promised, remember?” She whispered. “Besides, you can go back to writing me love letters.” She winked, making Leliana roll her eyes.

“Please be safe and keep me updated, you know the drill.”

“Yes, yes. Don’t forget that I traveled across the continent for years on my own.” She reminded her. “I believe I can handle a rouge Warden, some demons, and the undead. Who wouldn’t want to?”

Leliana just shook her head before looking over her shoulder. Following her eyes, she saw Cullen approaching them. There was an anxious expression on his face, maybe even a little sickly. Certainly not the Cullen she remembered.

“Is he alright?” Seriah asked her in a hushed tone, to which she was ignored.

“Be safe.” Leliana glazed over her question, squeezed her hand and walked in the Inquisitor’s direction.

Seriah looked up, catching Cullen’s wandering eyes. “Commander, come to see the Inquisitor off?” She inquired in a careful tone.

“What — Oh, yes, of course.” He stuttered, looking away from her once more.

She walked towards him slowly, as if she were going towards a spooked animal. His body was rigid, she could tell even under the armor, there was sweat dotting his brow, and the skin beneath his eyes was dark from sleeplessness. Her heart wrenched at the sight.

Once Seriah was standing in front of him, she murmured, “I will return, we will talk then.” She said no more. Instead, turning away to return to her mount to find the rest of the party ready to depart.

The Inquisitor was watching her with a hawk-like gaze, “Are you ready, Seriah?”

She nodded, hoisting herself into the saddle. “Lead the way, Lady Trevelyan.”

The road to Crestwood had been blissfully uneventful thus far. Although the peace was welcomed, sometimes the silence was cause to be more cautious. Traveling never went so well, the Maker would never allow such a thing.

Seriah hung back a few paces behind the Inquisitor’s party, not wanting much to do with them. There was one member who had piqued her interest, however. Blackwall, their so-called _Grey Warden_. She was sure he was a fraud. Even in the early stages of reversing the Taint, Seriah could still sense another Warden’s presence. There was no Taint in him, he was fool dressed in her former uniform, a mockery of the order. How would this rouge Warden they were going to meet react to Blackwall? She would be sure to raise Leliana’s suspicions to this man, especially if his presence elicits a strange reaction from a seasoned Warden, surely she would be more wary to trust him.

She sped up the pace of her horse to ride alongside Blackwall. “So,” Seriah began, throwing him a glance, “you’re a Warden?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He replied to her gruffly, not missing a beat. She knew for a fact that the Inquisitor did not divulge any information about who she was, besides being Leliana’s contact of course.

“What is it like now? I mean, I cannot imagine a Warden on their own.” She feigned concern, biting back a chuckle at the irony of her question.

Blackwall held his reins tighter. “I preferred it that way,”

“That’s surprising.” Was all she said as she moved onto her next question, “Were you a Warden during the Fifth Blight?”

“I was, killed a lot of darkspawn in those years.”

“Oh?” Odd, seeing as how she and Alistair were the only free Wardens in Ferelden. “You served in Ferelden or Orlais?”

“Both,”

“I see,” she hummed, “I just thought the Orlesian Wardens were barred from entering Ferelden thanks to Loghain. How curious you were in both countries then,”

He said nothing.

With a kind smile, Seriah once again quickened her pace to move away from him. He knew she was onto him.

She was only riding by herself for a few moments before the Tevinter she had seen smuggling alcohol into his bag came up next to her. “I do not believe we have been formally introduced,” he said smoothly, a charming grin donning his face. 

“No, I do not believe we have.” She agreed, though a bit cautious. “I am Seriah, a friend of Leliana’s. She asked for my aid on business with the Grey Wardens,”

“Leliana has friends? And here I thought that she only cooed at her birds, not other people,” he laughed. “I am Dorian Pavus, or more commonly referred to _the Tevinter_.”

Now, she offered him a small smile. “A pleasure, Dorian.” After a bit of a pause, she added, “I’ve actually visited Tevinter before,”

“You have? Pardon my manners if this comes off the wrong way but you’re an Elf. By the Maker, how are you not standing here in chains?”

She waved her hand, dismissing his concern. “Carefully. It is a beautiful country if you can ignore the blood magic, slavery, and racism.”

He sighed, “I agree, my homeland needs a lot of work. That is the very reason I am here, getting ready to ruin another pair of boots to whatever horrid location Karina drags us next,”

“A true sacrifice.” Seriah dipped her head down to look at his boots, “Thank you for your service,”

A loud laugh left Dorian’s lips, causing Karina and Sera, who had been riding next to her, to turn. The Inquisitor met Seriah’s eyes before looking between her and Dorian. Not one word was spoken, instead, she simply turned around.

Dorian shook his head with a sigh. Seriah almost asked him if the leader of the Inquisition was always in such a sour mood, but relaying her question in such an open space could be considered dangerous. Even if she wasn’t officially with the Inquisition, the last thing Seriah wanted was Leliana to yell at her for insulting the _Herald of Andraste_.

However, she didn’t have to ask. “I forgot, there’s been a no fun allowed policy lately,” Dorian muttered, only for her to hear.

She looked at him puzzled. “What do you mean?”

He moved his horse to the side, allowing them to fall to the back of the party. Once they were a few legs behind but were still in sight, Dorian finally spoke.

“She has been bitter ever since Cullen broke things off. I don’t know the full story, neither of them would tell me, but I cannot even pretend to be surprised,”

Seriah was quiet, looking to the figure of Karina ahead of them. Of course, she expected Cullen to be involved with others after her, he had to move on at some point, but Dorian’s words made it so real. It was almost like a slap across the face.

“Karina outright refused to tell me and Cullen only said that they just weren’t right for each other because of their _differing views_, whatever that means.” He shook his head. “Who would’ve thought an ex-Templar and a new Templar would have differing views?” Sarcasm bit into his tone.

“The Inquisitor is a Templar?” Seriah was taken aback.

“Yes, a recent one. We all told her not to, Cullen begged her not to because of the lyrium, I remember them both telling me about that. She did it anyway because her head is so far up the Chantry’s ass,”

“One could hardly blame her since she comes from a religious family, you said she had family members that are Templars?”

“Indeed, a handful of them are.”

Seriah sighed, adjusting herself in the saddle. “Lyrium is rough,” she thought about how Leliana had told her about Cullen’s decision to stop taking it, “it truly takes a toll on someone.”

Dorian nodded in agreement but stayed silent.

The sky was darkening when the Inquisitor finally stopped and agreed to set-up camp. Truthfully, Seriah had been glad as her back was aching from riding. She set up her tent on the outside of camp, wanting a selfish bit of time to herself to begin drafting a letter for Leliana. In her tent, she knew, would feel more familiar, like she wasn’t in the middle of an Inquisition camp.

Memories from the Blight were resurfacing as Seriah looked around when everyone was settled. The sight of tents, the smell of the campfire, the sound of a whetstone against a blade. She turned her back towards it as her breath quickened. How many years would it take her to get over it? Wasn’t a decade haunted by her short career as a Warden enough?

With shaking hands, she pulled aside the opening of her tent and sat on the ground. If she closed and eyes and covered her ears, blocking all sight of sound, maybe she could believe she was alone. She could believe everything was normal.

It worked enough for her to calm her breathing, but her hands still shook. Even so, she pulled a piece of parchment alongside her ink and quill to begin her letter to Leliana.

_Leli,_

_Look into Blackwall, he is not what_

_he says he is. He is but a child playing_

_dress-up in a Warden uniform. Trust me._

_We have stopped for the night, but when we_

_reach the rogue Warden, I will send another_

_ letter containing his reaction to Blackwall as _

_I know there will be one. _

_Just trust me on this one._

_Ria_

_P.S. Write to him. Make sure he is okay. If I_

_am experiencing this Calling, he is too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you are enjoying the story so far! I'm getting ready to start posting on a schedule due to the story starting to pick up. Most likely, I will begin posting weekly on either Mondays or Tuesdays! As always, thank you so much for reading!


	7. Fire Is Her Water

Cullen hadn’t been joking when describing how miserable Crestwood truly was.

The ground beneath them was so sodden with water that the horses’ hooves were turning the pathway into muck. One wrong step could very well lead to a twisted ankle or falling at the very least. Grey clouds choked the sky, giving off a feeling of constant claustrophobia no matter how far you traveled. Sheets of rain had continuously poured down on to them, slowing their travel. Out of all of the places she had seen, Crestwood was certainly one of the worst.

It wasn’t the quality of life there. From what little she could see, there was a quaint village with adequate homes. Livestock lived, crops grew, life still went on. Even so, it was the reeking stench of misery and fear that was nestled in every detail.

Crestwood was a down that had been reborn after the Fifth Blight, Old Crestwood was at the bottom of the lake which currently glowed a sickening green from a rift.

The party had been silent upon their arrival, morale was low as they surveyed the lands around them. None of them were used to the horrors left behind by the Blight. This land was certainly mild, they were “lucky” if one dared to use the term.

She knew better because of that oppressive darkness that hung heavy in the air, weighing on her and made it hard to breathe.

There was something that stood out. That familiar tug of the Taint, not just from the land. Grey Wardens were nearby. If she could feel them, they knew she was there.

It was not Stroud, the lone Warden, there was more than one.

Seriah’s eyes immediately searched for Blackwall, to see if he had even an inkling that there were Wardens near. He looked just as aghast as the others.

Her lip curled in irritation.

Soon enough, the others were alerted by the sound of fighting accompanied by the shrieks of demons. The Inquisitor didn’t hesitate. A quick, “Move!” accompanied by her kicking the sides of her horse to rush into the danger of what lay ahead.

They followed her lead, galloping down the path. Mud, rocks, and chunks of dirt flew up into her face from the horses in front of her. She shielded herself the best she could with her hood, but she was filthy anyway from the journey. Thankfully the fighting was happening just up the road.

Two Wardens were battling a handful of demons. The Inquisitor was already by their side, her horse not in sight any longer. Now, Seriah saw the Templar insignia embedded on her gauntlets, along with that of the Inquisition upon her breastplate. She fought with the valiance of a Templar, like the Maker himself guided her blade and lyrium pulsed through the air. Lady Trevelyan was a force to be reckoned with, that was clear.

“It’s the Inquisition!” Someone called from a distance.

“Andraste is with us!”

Seriah jumped from her horse, tearing the hood away from her face so she could see. The blades under her cloak hung heavy, but the magic in her veins was screaming. She, along with every other mage in Thedas, was an apostate. There was no use in distraction when the world was caving in on itself.

Whilst yanking off her gloves, Seriah took a place near Dorian, whose electricity sliced the air around them, causing her hair to stand on edge. He was well-versed in his element. Although she had been Circle-trained for eighteen years of her life, a Witch of the Wilds furthered her knowledge in the arcane arts. She had practiced different types of magic during the Blight and for some time afterward. However, it was dangerous for an Elf to travel by her lonesome across Thedas, much less an Elven mage. Because of this, Leliana and Zevran had done their best in training her to use daggers rather than magic. Morrigan assisted her in not using a staff, even if the witch still used one, and over time Seriah grew used to it. In retrospect, that training probably saved her life countless times, especially since Kirkwall happened and Templars littered the lands.

All her focus turned to the lyrium thrumming in her veins and the rage demon clawing desperately at one of the Wardens. Shards of ice flew from her fingers, piercing the air, and tearing through the demon’s burning flesh. She caught Karina’s look of momentary surprise, but a blast of energy from a nearby wraith drew her focus back to the fight.

Seriah’s intentions still lay with the rage demon, whose approaching grasp looked like an inferno. It was weakening, but its fury only grew.

“The righteous stand before the darkness” winter began to gather in her palms, a thin coat of frost climbing over her skin. She continued to whisper to herself, her eyes never leaving the demon that was growing closer, “— and the Maker shall guide their hand.”

Time seemed so slow as a cloud of freezing light swallowed the demon, freezing it in its tracks. Seizing the opportunity, Seriah pulled her daggers free from her belt and lunged. The blades drove deep, shattering the entity around her feet, the shards melting into the mud.

The last wraith was slain, but a feeling of uneasiness still resonated.

Seriah wiped her blades on her pants, watching as the Wardens looked around, realizing that there was another Warden among them.

Karina approached them, wiping her sword of the ichor as best she could.

“The Grey Wardens thank you for your aid, Inquisitor.” One greeted her, his voice muffled from his helmet. The archer still searched, meeting Seriah’s eyes. She stared back at him, almost like a challenge, to which he looked away quickly.

“What are you doing in Crestwood?” The Inquisitor, always straight to business.

“A Warden named Stroud is wanted for questioning.”

Seriah turned away from them, clenching her jaw. She knew good and well that one wrong move and she could have been in Stroud’s position. She was running for her life, but no one chasing her.

Dorian appeared at her side, drawing her attention away from the conversation. “That was quite a show you put on,”

She gave him a puzzled expression. “I killed one demon, it was hardly anything noteworthy.”

He threw his head back with a laugh, resting a gloved hand on her shoulder. “I mean, none of us had any idea you were a mage. Perhaps a little warning would have been nice,”

The Elf shrugged, not having anything further to add.

“Seriah,” Karina’s voice made her jump, not having heard her approach, “you’re a mage?” She wasn’t sure what emotion was intertwined with her tone.

“It appears that way,”

She was not amused.

“It’s not going to be a problem,” Seriah looked Karina up and down, especially eying the gauntlets with the heraldry of the Order, “is it?”

“So long as you can control yourself.”

“Inquisitor, with all due respect, I have been a mage for almost three decades and have yet to be possessed. I understand your newness to the Templar Order has your suspicions on edge, but they are misdirected.” Seriah adopted the sternness of Karina’s manner. “I am not afraid of Templars,”

Karina furrowed her brows, her face growing red. “No one is asking you to be afraid.”

“As much as I love tension, we should get a move on.” Dorian interrupted. He rested a hand on Karina’s back, beginning to lead her towards to village, not before throwing Seriah a wink. Sera was by their side in a moment, starting to chatter about Maker knows what.

As quickly as they had gone, the group was alarmed once more by the sound of battle.

She wasn’t certain on what had caught her attention first, the ruckus or the stench of rotting flesh. New Crestwood’s gates were shut tight, guarded by two men battling a group of undead. In all her travels, undead was a new one. They weren’t the same as Darkspawn. These creatures held a stronger resemblance to the humanity they had once been a part of. Deep, guttural noises left their mouths, their jaws barely hanging on by exposed joints. Flesh hung loosely from their bodies, no blood was seen, just the yellowing bone beneath.

The corpses themselves didn’t feel pain, but their intruders did. The demons inhabiting used their bodies to fight with all the strength they could muster. She could tell by the way the creatures threw themselves at the guards, waving their swords wildly, trying to connect their blows.

Seriah couldn’t see them as monsters, they were victims.

The dead should be at peace, not being used as puppets for demons.

It all made her stomach turn.

As much as it pained her, they had no choice. Seriah focused her mana onto the archer, being careful to avoid Blackwall as he went after it as well. Whips of fire went sailing towards the corpse, snaking around it until the thing was engulfed in flame. Blackwall jumped out of the way, looking back at her, and headed to aid one of the townsfolk. The creature had been left as nothing more than a pile of ash, the demon within hadn’t even had time to shriek in retaliation.

“Maker, let those poor souls be at peace. Take them to your side,” she murmured, focusing her attention on the second soldier. There were a few corpses left, he was already struggling with one, causing him not to see the one approaching him from behind.

She had little time to think. Once again, a blaze of fiery light ripped from her fingers, the ropes winding around the corpse’s wrists and ankles, pulling it away from the soldier. The creature opened its jaw, letting out an inhuman shriek. It writhed in the grasp of her magic, but she grit her teeth and refused to let go. “For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water.”1 Seriah clenched her fists, allowing the fire to consume the creature. And as it turned to a smoldering pile of ash, the sound of battle ceased.

Seriah looked up, wiping the rain from her eyes. She had barely noticed it during the fighting. The sodden leather of her armor clung close to her skin along with her cloak, her hair stuck to her burning cheeks and the nape of her neck. A sudden chill ran down her spine at the realization.

Pulling the wet fabric of her cloak closer to her, she made way towards the others. Karina was conversing with one of the townsfolk as the other shouted that it was safe for them to open the gates. Sera was by Blackwall’s side as he hovered over one of the creatures, dagger in hand.

Dorian looked at her when she stopped beside him. “So much for not putting on a show,” he teased her, “I especially enjoyed the splash of religion thrown into the mix. I didn’t think Elves believed in the Maker,”

Her cheeks burned slightly. Had she talked that loud while casting?

“I do believe in the Maker, I always have. Reciting the Chant helps me focus, I’ve been doing it since I was a girl.” Seriah recalled how that habit started, trying a repress a grin at the memory of a certain blond Templar. “It drove my mentors nuts, but the Templars loved it.”

“You’re Circle trained?” He raised his eyebrows at her.

Seriah paused, thinking over her words carefully. “Yes, partly.” She nodded, before directing the subject back to its original focus. “To answer your prior question, a lot of Elves outside of the Dalish try their best to keep to the old ways. I can certainly see why, but I was raised Andrastian, it makes sense to me.”

Dorian pondered her words. “So do you believe Karina is what they say she is?” He asked her lowly.

Seriah glanced in her direction. “No one knows the will of the Maker, not even the ones who believe they are chosen. I know of people who believed they were chosen and none have truly bore fruit from their efforts.” She turned back towards Dorian, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I do not know if your so-called _Herald_ is truly that of Andraste’s chosen. Either way, may the Maker guide her down her path. I pray she has better luck than those before her,”

With her final words, the gates to the village were open and an announcement that the mayor requests their presence heard.

“I do know one thing,” Dorian muttered as they followed Karina’s lead into the city, “the Maker sure has a sense of humor for making us trek through the mud in the ass-end of Ferelden.”

Seriah chuckled. “I’d rather be here than in Orlais,”

He sighed, a bit dramatically in her opinion. “You really are Ferelden, aren’t you?”

Her smile only widened. “If only I still had my mabari with me, best traveling partner one could ever ask for.”

“You and the Commander would get along quite swimmingly, you know.” Dorian huffed, crinkling his nose at the mentioning of a mabari. “Fereldens and their dogs, I will never understand.”

_ Oh if only you knew, Dorian. _

* * *

_R_

_I will look into it. For now,_

_please be safe, there are reports _

_of a dragon threatening Crestwood._

_Cullen would surely have a heart attack_

_if you were to go up against it so_

_unprepared (not that it would be the_

_first time). _

_I’m not saying you should go after it, just be _

_aware of its presence._

_And as you read this, a letter to Denerim has_

_already been sent. Should I have given him_

_your warm regards?_

_Stay safe,_

_L_

* * *

_L_

_I should kick your ass for that  
when I get back. _

_And as for that dragon, we may_  
have happened upon it ourselves when  
taking Caer Bronach. You will see a  
more detailed, yet dry, account in  
Karina's report. I'll tell you the juicy  
details upon our return.

_I have made sure  
to bring both you and the worrier a  
tooth as a gift. __I will be sure to find _  
something for Josephine, but it must  
be as lovely as she is.

_See you soon_ _,_

_R_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: Transfigurations 10:1
> 
> I am really enjoying getting back into the groove of writing and am glad to be sharing it with y'all! Let me know what you think about the story so far and if you would like me to continue to sight what verses from the Chant of Light that I can find titles for. The Chant has such beautiful passages in it, which makes me happy that Seriah is religious because I get to explore deeper into it.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!!


	8. The Abyss of Reality

_Leliana,_

_This is certainly not the letter_  
_I expected to receive from you. I was_  
_hoping for a more joyous “hello” or_  
_I am coming to visit, have wine and cheese_  
_ready. Not “do you feel like you’re dying?”_  
_Anora was certainly not pleased with the_  
_notion, I tried to hide the letter, but you_  
_know I cannot keep a secret._

_To stop beating around the bush, I _  
_have heard your false Calling. I hope_  
_you can put an end to it soon, it’s_  
_tampering with my beauty sleep. For_  
_once, I am grateful I took the throne for_  
_a King cannot simply up and run into the_  
_Deep Roads. I do not know who would hunt_  
_me down first, Anora or Eamon. If it_  
_gets worse, I will be sure to let you know._

_I must admit, the talk of this Darkspawn _  
_Magister and his “Archdemon” have been_  
_trudging up unfortunate memories. Can you_  
_believe it has been over a decade since_  
_Dhavaria died? I miss her, even_  
_though she would punch me if she heard that,_  
_especially after what I did. I visited her grave_  
_on the anniversary of her death, as I do_  
_every year. I told her I was sorry, again, and_  
_left a rose upon her grave. Unsurprisingly, it_  
_was just one in a sea of tributes._

_Anyways, I miss you and I hope to see you_  
_soon, under better circumstances. Perhaps_  
_I shall pay your fortress a visit? The mountain_  
_air would suit me. That is if I could find a_  
_moment to breathe._

_My warmest regards,_  
_Alistair _

* * *

Seriah ran her finger along the edge of the page, reading over the words written upon the parchment once more. She was keenly aware of Leliana’s eyes on her, even as she gave her space.

Darkness had settled upon Skyhold, the keep wasn’t even aware she was there. The rest of the party was days behind her. As soon as the dragon was dead on the ground and her trophies secured, she had made her swift exit. The others had stayed a few days longer in search of “shards” of some sort and to close a few more rifts.

Thankfully, Crestwood had become more bearable towards the end of her time spent there, the rift in Old Crestwood was closed and the dead stopped rising. However, not much could rival Seriah’s anger when the Mayor’s actions came to light. She wanted Leliana to let her go after him personally, honestly, she might get her wish depending on what the Inquisitor decided.

“Ria?” Her friend’s voice called out to her softly. The volume would have been unnecessary in other circumstances. The tower where the Spymaster spent her time was vacant due to the hour.

Seriah’s shoulders slumped, mirroring a defeated look. “I know he does,” she muttered, thumbing the corner of the paper, causing it to crease.

“You know?” Her tone raised in surprise.

She nodded.

“Do you know how incredibly foolish that is to do?” Leliana’s words held a mixture of anger and alarm. The mage didn’t take it personally, she knew her friend was simply worried about her. “Someone could recognize you, or _he _could see you!” She whispered harshly.

“No one has,”  
“Yet.”

Seriah sat up, folding the letter, and handed it back to her. Leliana’s gloved hand reached out and snatched her wrist, causing her to stay in place.

“Dhavaria, _please_.” It broke her heart to hear the fear in her pleas. “Be careful.”

“I always am, Leli.” She offered her a smile, finally facing her. Leliana did not seem convinced, but the matter was dropped. 

Silence fell between them, Seriah’s eyes falling to the letter in Leliana’s hands. “Do you think they’re happy?”

“They have to appear to be,” Leliana muttered. She disliked Anora Mac Tir as much as Seriah did. “I know why he married her, but I still cannot bear to think about it, less than a year after the Blight.” Her hands started to clench, crumpling the paper even further.

Seriah didn’t say anything in return. Turning to face a window in the tower, she gazed out among the grounds. Truthfully, she couldn’t stand to think about it either.

“Can I admit something?” She asked after a moment.

“Of course.” The other woman moved to stand next to her.

Her hands traced the uneven stone lining the opening. “As awful as it was in the moment, I am glad he ended things. The way was not desirable, but what was the alternative?” Seriah’s eyes fell on to the tower where the Commander resided. “Me being his _mistress_?” Her nose crinkled in disgust.

Leliana followed her gaze, not being able to help the smile when she realized what had caught her attention. “Have you talked to him yet?”

“No, I don’t even know what I’m going to say.” She played with the pendant hanging on a long chain. “I couldn’t even blame him if he kicked me out the moment he realized it was just us alone.”

Leliana chuckled. “I hardly doubt he would do such a thing.” A comfortable quiet fell between them again before it was broken once more. “He asked me about you, you know.”

Her eyebrows raised in surprise. “When?”

The smile on her face was partly hidden by the hood framing her face, shadows dancing across her skin. “Twice actually. Once when he arrived at Haven and realized who I was and again soon after you left for Crestwood. Made quite the scene, almost blew your cover.”

Seriah hid her grin with her hand. How typical of him.

“He’s still up, you should go see him.”

“How would you know this? Besides, I wouldn’t want to distract him,” she replied quickly.

“Because the man never sleeps,” Leliana said with a frown, “and I cannot begin to believe you would be an unwelcome surprise. He needs a distraction.” Her words were followed by a sultry wink.

“I hate you.”

Laughter as sweet as bells filled the air as she walked away. “You could never. I eagerly await the details tomorrow!”

Seriah looked once more towards the tower. With a sigh, she walked out onto the ramparts and soon, her footsteps were replaced by the sound of a raven’s wings.

Another sleepless night was upon him.

This time, Cullen didn’t believe the lyrium was the only thing to blame.

Since Ria’s — Seriah’s arrival, he had barely been able to concentrate on anything but her. They had been gone for over two weeks at this point and she still plagued his mind. Who could be surprised since she was supposed to be dead for the past decade?

Over and over his mind replayed the images of her, the sound of her voice. Perhaps this was all a dream and he had yet to wake up. He found that hard to believe seeing as how little sleep he got even before.

Before her departure to Crestwood, Cullen had gone to see her off, to say something to her—anything, but no words came out. Instead, Seriah gave him a look that used to make his heart melt and whispered about talking after her return. Did it still?

No, he would not think about that.

What was important was the notion that she _was _returning to Skyhold. They were due back any day now from what Karina’s last missive said. Truthfully, Cullen often found himself on the Battlements, gazing out over paths to the fortress, straining for a glimpse of them. A glimpse of her.

It was nighttime in Skyhold, any small oncoming party would be masked by the depths of shadows. There was no use watching from outside, nothing could be seen.

In attempts to busy himself, Cullen was sat behind his desk, immersed in reports sent to him from officers stationed in various Inquisition strongholds. That was until he heard a slight thump come from above him, from his quarters.

He froze, the papers falling out of his grasp. Instinctively, his hand went for his sword at his side, but it wasn’t there as he was only dressed in a thin undershirt and loose trousers.

The noises above him sounded as if someone were walking around. An intruder? An assassin? A spy thinking the Commander wasn’t in his office?

Cullen quietly stood, reaching for a letter opener on his desk. It was the closest thing to a weapon around him as his sword and knives were put away upstairs.

Rung by rung, he made his way up the ladder, peering silently into the room when he could see. Nothing.

Anxiously, he climbed up the rest of the way, taking another sweep of the room as he made for his sword. Still, nobody.

Sword in hand now, Cullen took a deep breath, trying to listen for any more odd noises. Maybe it was just an animal that had gotten in? Perhaps he was overacting.

He sighed, thinking himself paranoid from the whole Ria incident and began to head back down to his office. When his feet were planted on the ground, a voice sounded. “I was wondering how long you would stay up there,”

Cullen nearly jumped out of his skin as he whirled around the face the culprit. He stopped dead in his tracks. There Ria sat, perched on the edge of his desk, watching his every move with an amused smile.

“How did you get in here?” He demanded, still not moving.

“There are holes in your ceiling,” she laughed, “you should get that fixed or it might not be just me next time.”

“Maker’s breath, how the hell did you get through the _roof_?”

Ria dismissed his question with a wave of her hand. “Not important,”

Finally feeling his breathing begin to steady, Cullen took a step towards her, keeping a good amount of distance between them. "You cut your hair," was all he could manage to mutter. In his defense, it was significantly shorter than the last time he saw her. During Kinloch, her dark waves of hair were pinned back into a braid that ran down her back. A small pang of sadness struck him as he recalled running his fingers through its softness. 

She huffed a laugh. "Really? I expected to be bombarded with more hard-hitting questions,"

He felt his face flush. “I didn’t know you had returned,”

“I went ahead of the rest of the group, they’re quite slow.” Ria brushed a piece of hair away from her face. “Any more questions?”

“Oh, I think I have a list,”

She sighed. “I meant about me being here, in your office. I wanted to come and explain myself, I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“Seriah—”

“Stop.” She snapped, “You know that’s not my name,”

He was silent for a moment, studying her. “Do I?”

A hurt look appeared across her face for a brief instance. She looked away from him, studying the stone of the wall. “I hoped so,” Ria murmured. “Dhavaria Surana died a decade ago while slaying the Archdemon. She had to die so Seriah could live, so _I _could get away.”

“I thought you were dead,” he whispered.

“So did everyone else!” Her hands shook and she slid down to her feet. “I never wanted it, to be a Grey Warden! I never wanted to leave Kinloch! If I hadn’t, maybe I could have stopped Uldred and kept you from having to—” Ria cut herself off, turning to face the window in his office. He could see now that her entire body was shaking, even in the dim lighting. “I hate myself for leaving you there. I hate myself for not trying harder to find you after everything went to shit. I tried, but you were gone. I didn’t know where you went or what happened after I left Kinloch when the Circle fell.” Her head was bent as if she was looking at something in her hand. He heard her sniff.

“You looked for me?” Cullen asked her dumbly.

She faced him, tears making her eyes glisten. “Of course I did!” Her hand was clutched around an object. When she relaxed her fingers, he saw the pendant of an amulet resting in the center of her palm. The amulet he had given her before she was recruited into the Wardens.

“I thought you were with Alistair then,” he whispered, finally tearing his eyes away from the amulet. “At the Circle, I saw you two.”

When she laughed, there was no humor within it. “I was afterward, for a time. It didn’t work out, something about me being a mage and an Elf.” Ria stood behind his chair now, running her hand across the top of it.

He didn’t know what to say, so he just stayed quiet.

The silence lingered for a time before she sighed and “Where’s your list of questions? I came prepared for you to ask every detail of what happened.” Her eyes caught his with an expecting look.

Cullen shook his head, watching her continue to walk around the desk to stand in front of him, but respecting his space. “They seemed to have slipped my mind.” This earned him a chuckle. “Can I ask you one thing?”

She raised an eyebrow, replacing the amulet to its spot around her neck. “Of course,”

“Is this a dream?”

“No, Cullen.” Ria smiled slightly. “This is reality.”

Before he had time to think it through, his feet were carrying him towards her and his arms were around her, pulling her against him. They held each other tightly, his face pressed against the softness of her hair, her hands gripped his shirt. It felt like a dream he had had before. One he never thought would come true unless he struck a deal with a demon.

“I’m sorry,” he heard her mumble, “I’m so sorry for everything. I should’ve tried harder to find you. Did you at least get the letter I had written to you before?”

“Leliana just gave it to me actually,”

She pulled away from him, a shocked look upon her face. “What? I asked her to get it to you right after the celebration over the end of the Blight toned down!”

He chuckled. “It might not have been her fault, I was transferred to Kirkwall soon after,”

Cullen watched as her eyebrows knitted together in frustration. “You were in Kirkwall? I passed through some time ago, how did I not even realize?”

He pulled away from her. “Maker, _why_ were you in Kirkwall? That is the last place you should’ve been as an apostate,” he didn’t want his words to come off as rude, he was simply concerned. A hand moved to rest against her cheek, but thinking better of the action, it dropped back to his side.

“I was traveling with Zevran for a time, he had unfinished business with the Crows which led him to Kirkwall.” Ria leaned back against the edge of his desk, crossing her arms over her chest. “I would be perfectly happy never stepping foot in that city again,”

Cullen chuckled, “I completely agree.”

They stared at each other, both at a loss for words.

“I can’t believe you haven’t asked me what happened or how I did it,” disbelief colored her tone, “though, I am confident you know my reasoning.”

He looked down, studying the old wood of the flooring. “I remember your face when you were conscripted.” Old memories plagued his vision. Irvine arguing with Greagoir, claiming she was acting under his orders. Ria had always been his favorite student and she had just passed her Harrowing. The look of distress had taken hold of her features as the older Grey Warden rested a hand on her shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will away the unpleasantries. “I wanted nothing more than to grab your hand and run, to help you in some way. But I couldn’t, my hands were tied.”

A warm feeling appeared on his cheek. Opening his eyes once more, he met Ria’s soft gaze. “None of what happened was your fault, Cullen. You couldn’t have saved me, I had to save myself. What matters is that I’m here now.” Her thumb brushed the light stubble dawning his jaw. “I’m here now if you’ll have me.”

“Always,”

They exchanged a quiet smile, her features softer in the dim lighting of the candles. He had missed her, even if she was not the same woman he snuck around Kinloch with. They had both grown as people, but his feelings never seemed to change.

“Goodnight, Cullen,” Ria whispered, withdrawing her hand and heading towards the door.

“Goodnight, Ria.” And with another smile, she disappeared into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited to finally start sharing their relationship with y'all! I hope you are enjoying their story so far because I know I am! As always, thank you for reading and let me know what you think so far :)
> 
> Also, to all who celebrate it, I hope you have a fantastic thanksgiving!


	9. Revenge On Your Lips

The rest of the Crestwood party arrived within the following days, Hawke and Stroud along with them. From what he could tell, Anja and Ria got along quite swimmingly. When Ria wasn’t with Leliana, scheming about Maker knows what, the two mages were together.

Cullen wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. While he and the Champion had never been on the best of terms, she didn’t want to kill him on sight. Certainly, that had been an improvement from Kirkwall. Not that he could blame her. He had been a different man then, though it was no excuse. His past still lingered at the forefront of his mind, making him want to approach her to apologize for the past. Although, he wasn’t sure about what sort of reaction an apology would garner.

Anja and Ria were together now, he observed stepping out of his office, holding his stack of papers tightly in his hands. A cool mountain breeze brushed by, rustling the fur lining his collar. They were in front of the doors to the main hall, chatting as they prepared to enter the fortress.

Something caught Ria’s attention, causing her to turn her head in his direction as he walked towards the door that led into Solas’s rotunda. He met her gaze, watching her smile and cheerfully wave at him. Cullen returned wave, feeling his heart flutter. Anja followed her eyes, spotting him, acknowledging him with a brief nod.

When they disappeared into the keep, his feet continued to carry him the rest of the way inside as well. Per usual, Solas’s “office” of sorts was hardly lit. A few candles provided a weak source of light that made the paintings decorating the walls look especially eerie. Cullen never liked this part of Skyhold, it always felt off to him. Luckily, the room was vacant, allowing him to hurry through unobstructed.

The main hall was bustling with nobility and some of the Inquisition’s inner circle. He immediately spotted Anja, who was sitting by Varric in front of the fireplace that was constantly lit but failed to see Ria.

“Nice to see you out of your cave, Curly,” Varric teased him, a smirk playing at his lips. The dwarf insisted on them talking more since the boat ride from Kirkwall. That trip across the Waking Sea had been interesting in itself. He, Varric, and Cassandra cooped up in close quarters was more like a death sentence.

“Varric,” he nodded his head in acknowledgment, “Champion.” Cullen greeted Anja as well, a scowl highlight her features from the title.

Before either of them could say any more, Cullen continued on his way across the hall, dodging nobility left and right. Maker, how did Josephine deal with such pomp all day long? She always seemed to be in her element amongst Thedas’s elite.

He slipped through the door that led into the Ambassador’s office. Cullen found her at her desk, but instead of paperwork in her hands, Josephine was admiring a delicate silver chain with a pendant crafted from what looked like obsidian.

“Oh, Cullen look!” She jumped up from her seat, suddenly thrilled to see him. Hurrying over to him, Josephine presented the jewelry allowing him to see it clearer. “Mistress Seriah brought it back from Crestwood, she said it reminded her of me. Isn’t she just the sweetest?” She cooed, smiling at him.

Cullen’s mouth quirked up in a grin. “It is quite lovely, Josie. That was nice of Seriah to do.” Good to know the kindness of her heart was still the same.

“She mentioned having something for you as well,” she said, going to sit back down at her desk, forcing herself to regain her composure. “Mistress Seriah is already in the War Room. I will be in shortly once the Inquisitor arrives, as will Leliana and the Champion.”

“Thank you, Josie.” He continued down the corridor, glazing over the holes in the old walls. At times, the fact that Skyhold had withstood all these years truly amazed him.

Another draft blew in through the crumbling stone, causing a chill to run down his spine. Even though it could be unbearably cold at times, Cullen had discovered that he missed Ferelden's weather. The Free Marches were temperate for most of the year but could get incredibly hot around Summerday. Even though he enjoyed the weather, they needed to look into getting the walls fixed.

Pushing open one of the large doors that led into the War Room, he noticed there was only one other person in there. He had figured Leliana would have been there by now, but only Ria stood in front of the map.

Afraid of startling her, Cullen cleared his throat.

“Come over here,” she called out to him, not fazed by his entrance. He obeyed, moving to stand beside her, resting his paperwork down but made sure it was out of the way. Ria rested her gloved thumb against her lips, her eyes studying the map carved into the base of an old tree. “All my years of travel and I still find it hard to fathom that I have yet to see Thedas in its entirety.” Her fingers brushed along the lines of countries, marks indicating towns, being careful to not disturb anything they had placed down.

Cullen watched her quietly, not knowing where she was going with the conversation.

“What lays beyond these edges, I wonder,” Ria murmured, looking up at him. “Have you ever wondered? Have you ever wanted to explore the world?”

The sparkle in her eyes made his breath catch in his throat. “I’ve been in two countries all my life, Ferelden and the Free Marches, that is my definition of traveling the world.”

She smiled at that, briefly resting a hand on top of his as she whispered, “I shall take you with me one day.” And in a flash, the moment passed. “Speaking of, I brought you back something!” Ria’s hand dove into her satchel, producing an item wrapped in cloth.

“You shouldn’t have,” he said dryly, observing the cloaked item.

“Hush!” She laughed, revealing a dragon’s tooth.

He blinked, looking between the two. “Where did you get that?”

An amused expression appeared on her face. “My goodness, someone didn’t read their reports. This is a tooth from the dragon in Crestwood we took down,” she said, admiring her handiwork. “I was going to bring you the claw that caught my leg, it was too heavy though.”

Cullen felt himself pale. “You were injured?”

She waved away his concern. “Nothing major, I healed myself immediately after. I would show you but we’re about to have company,”

He began to question her once more, but the door opened and Leliana entered. “Ah, you finally showed him.” She laughed after taking one look at his face. “Did you tell him about your leg already?”

“Of course,”

She only shook her head.

“I thought he already knew, it was in Karina’s report,” Ria defended herself, covering the tooth once more before looking at him. “Don’t tell me you don’t like it, I lugged it across Ferelden just for you.”

Even after all these years, Cullen found himself unable to resist those dark eyes. For a minute, he was back in Kinloch’s library, flirting in hushed tones. How many times had Greagoir pulled him aside and scolded him for fraternizing with his charges? Too many to count. Had she ever gotten in trouble for interacting with the Templars? From what he could recall, there was never any mention of it. Maybe he could ask her one day.

“It would be rude to refuse such a thoughtful gift, Commander.” Leliana’s sly smile made his stomach churn.

Cullen looked at Ria’s face once more, groaning internally as he watched her pout. “Maker’s breath, you all will be the death of me.” His words were laced with defeat as he placed the gift on his stack of papers.

Ria’s face broke out into a triumphant smile. None of them had a chance to continue the conversation due to the entrance of the Champion followed by Josie and the Inquisitor.

“Inquisitor, welcome back.” The Spymaster said, taking her place next to Cullen.

“Sister Leliana, Commander, Seriah.” Karina greeted them all, her voice distant. “We have a lot to get through today, I suggest we begin immediately.”

Hawke rolled her eyes, standing at the head of the table nearest Ria. Luckily, Karina’s back was turned to her when she did.

Ria leaned over and whispered something to her, inaudible to him, but whatever was said made Anja crack a grin.

“Of course, Inquisitor,” Josie piped up, readying her quill. “I have secured invitations for the ball of the Winter Palace, we have just over a month to prepare. We will need to schedule fittings for everyone attending and discuss the proper etiquette necessary for an event such as this one.” She gave Cullen a pointed look.

“I don’t understand why we must go to such lengths for Orlesian nonsense,” he complained, catching Leliana’s glare in the corner of his eye.

“Do not brush off the Grand Game so easily, Commander,” the Spymaster warned, “the Game is life or death. The second you let your guard down is when they strike,”

Maker, this could not be over soon enough.

“Of course, we will take all necessary measures to be ready. I will have the decision of my party within the week,” Karina directed the conversation back to the subject. “Of course, we should bring Madam Vivienne.”

“A wise choice, Inquisitor,” The Ambassador praised her, jotting something down. “I will get to work immediately on preparations.”

“Moving on to the Grey Wardens, Hawke, I read your report. If the Wardens are planning some sort of dark ritual, we need to intercept it immediately,” Leliana said. “Stroud’s insistence that Corypheus is somehow plaguing their minds in extremely unnerving to me. I have written to King Alistair, as he is a Warden as well, and he informs me that he too experiences the false Calling. Its reach is further than Orlais,”

“You are a Warden, are you not?” Karina directed the question at Ria, who met her gaze with no emotion inscribed on her face.

“_Was_, Inquisitor. But I hear this Calling as well,” she answered the question with ease, “I would appreciate if we stopped it as quick as possible.”

Hawke shifted to stand beside Karina, beckoning Ria to join them. Josie moved to the other side of the table beside Cullen, allowing them room. The Champion placed her finger on the map amid the Western Approach.

“Stroud says that the Wardens should be carrying out this ritual around here,” she said, tracing a circle. “As you know, the Western Approach is a wasteland which means we should scout the area immediately to pinpoint their location.”

Ria watched her finger, nodding.

“I will send Harding out as soon as we are through here,” Leliana confirmed.

Cullen watched as the three women on the opposite end of the table studied the map. Little did two of them know, but the three women who shaped Thedas with their actions all stood in the same room. The Hero of Ferelden, the Champion of Kirkwall, and the Herald of Andraste. He almost wished there was an artist to capture such a moment in a painting. Looking at Leliana, it seemed she was having similar thoughts.

The three radiated power in their own ways.

Karina Trevelyan carried herself like a typical noble. A regal aura constantly surrounded her thanks to her carefully chosen words, unreadable facial expressions, and commanding actions. Joining the Templar Order only strengthened those features as she seemed to stand a little taller if that was even possible. She had causes to rally behind, things she was passionate about. Her passion is something Cullen had loved about her.

Anja Hawke commanded respect with everything she did. Stories of her actions followed the mage wherever she went, largely thanks to Varric. He recalled back in Kirkwall, a number of his lieutenants spoke of their admiration for the Champion, though not loudly out of fear of Meredith’s wrath. Cullen had always respected her, even though Hawke had been skilled in causing him headaches. She was a survivor.

And Dhavaira Surana, or Seriah as she called herself now. She could’ve had Ferelden in the palm of her hand due to her role during the Blight. Maker, Ria decided who the next ruler of Ferelden was going to be. She was a role model for elves and mages everywhere. Whispers of the Hero constantly circulated and news of her death sent an entire nation into mourning. From what they knew, Dhavaria gave her life to allow the rest of them to survive. Andraste save her if news that she truly lived spread. Of course, there was always the chance that a story would be spun and people would once again worship the ground she walked upon. In the past, Ria was a force to be reckoned with, he could only imagine her now.

“We will begin pursuing them the moment a chance arises,” Ria said, her eyes still concentrated on the map in front of her.

“What of the problem of Crestwood’s mayor?” Cullen asked. “Allow me to send a missive to nearby soldiers to track him down and bring him to Skyhold,”

Leliana shook her head. “It would be more beneficial to send my agents,”

Karina looked between the two of them, quietly pondering the situation. After a long moment, her eyes settled on the Spymaster. “I want him brought here for judgment as quickly as possible,”

Cullen frowned at the decision.

“Of course, Inquisitor.” She looked at Ria, nodding her head.

Returning the gesture, the elf broke away from her position at the table, readjusting her gloves as she went. Just as she went to pass him, Leliana grabbed her elbow to mutter a command in her ear. “Alive, Ria.”

It aroused a chuckle from the other. Cullen caught himself staring after she flashed him a quick wink. “Enjoy your paperweight,” Ria teased him in a low voice before continuing out of the room, the doors slamming shut behind her.

Karina turned her attention to Leliana. “Why Seriah? I thought she was to just aid in matters of the Wardens.” Her voice was strained. Had something happened during their trip to Crestwood to create such tension?

“The mayor will be in the Inquisition’s custody by the week’s end. Seriah is talented in her work and there is no one I trust more,” Leliana kept her tone even, though he could see she was irritated by the comment. “You wanted the mayor here quickly, she is the one to do it.”

“Once she returns,” Hawke cut in, “Seriah, Stroud, and I will join Sister Leliana’s agents scouting the designated area for the Warden ritual. We will have immediate word sent to Skyhold once they are found,”

“Understood. When you find them, myself along with the party from Crestwood will meet you there,” Karina said, nodding to herself. “Unless anyone has anything to add, we can call it quits for the day.”

They began to file out, but Cullen stayed behind. “Leliana, may I speak with you?” He managed to catch her attention before she left the room.

“Of course.” The Spymaster shut the door after the Inquisitor left, making them the only two in the room. “What can I do for you?”

“I have been meaning to ask you about this,” Cullen said, pulling the folded letter out from the stack of papers on the table. “Why did you only give this to me a few weeks ago? Ria said she had given it to you before the end of the Blight.” He wasn’t angry, he didn’t know how to feel about it.

A long sigh left her lips. “In truth, I never could seem to find the right time. Ria asked me to wait until things were settled among the public, you’d have to ask her why. While I desperately wanted to honor her wishes, some things required my attention. Besides, there was talk that you had been transferred to Kirkwall of all places. The last thing you needed was to open an old wound.” She ran her finger over the edge of the table. “When I was in Kirkwall under orders of the Divine, I wanted to get it to you then, but with all that was happening, I am glad I refrained from it. I am sorry, Cullen. I should not have withheld this from you for so long,”

He looked down at the paper in his hands, unfolding it. His eyes glanced over the words he had become so familiar with. It was as if the writing on the page had become a part of him.

“I don’t know what she wrote in that letter, but I know she never stopped caring for you.”

Cullen met her gaze, the look in her eyes was so sincere that he almost felt as if he needed to look away. “What?”

That got a smile from her. “Oh, how she told me stories about the two of you. Forbidden love is always the most exciting kind.”

“She talked about me?”

She hummed her confirmation. “She also told me about the amulet you give her just before she was conscripted, to this day I have never seen her without it.”

He thought back to the night in his office, watching her grip the pendant as if it were her lifeline. “I’m not the same man I was then,”

Leliana smiled. “And she is not the same woman either.” She touched his arm kindly and added, “You two have been through so much. It would be impossible for either of you to stay the same. People grow, but that does not mean they can no longer love one another.”

Cullen was silent.

“Just think about it,” she said as she left the room, “get to know each other again.”

He looked once more at the letter.

_I love you now and forever._

Could she still love him even after all he has done? Surely she must have heard stories of his endeavors, how could she still look him in the eye?

Frustration boiled within him. She was not even here anymore for him to ask her about it.

The end of the week, Leliana had said, but then she will be leaving with Hawke and Stroud in search of the Wardens. There was hardly any opportunity for him to steal a moment of her time. It made him wish he could write to her, perhaps he could look into it with Leliana?

What he did know, was that the next week was going to be long as his anticipation grew with each passing day. Cullen would wait for her return, he would always wait for her.


	10. Bourne of Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW WARNING

It had only taken her three days to track down Crestwood’s mayor. If anyone asked how she managed it so quickly, Seriah would respond how she simply followed the smell that shit. He was lucky Leliana had specifically told her not to kill him, for every time she looked into his eyes, she saw the horror of Old Crestwood reflected within them.

Whenever she shut her eyes, the drowned strewn carelessly over the muddied ground haunted her. They had no warning, no idea that one man had sealed their fate.

_“To save them all!” _he had claimed desperately.

The fact Leliana had nowhere mentioned him being brought back unharmed was a Maker’s blessing.

While the trip to find the mayor had been quick since she had flown through the nights, the trek back had taken longer. Seriah couldn’t exactly bring back a prisoner of the Inquisition as a raven. So she had to settle on picking up a steed from one of the Inquisition checkpoints and riding back to Skyhold, dragging the now filthy and battered mayor behind her.

She had never been so thankful to pass into the fortress as is meant she was no longer overseeing their charge. Guards had apprehended them at the gate and quickly escorted the prisoner to the dungeons, the mayor stumbling the entire way.

It was almost impossible to believe that it was that morning as it felt like a lifetime ago.

Now, Seriah sat in an old cast iron tub that sat behind a screen in the room she occupied. Bless the Ambassador for providing her with one of the nicer guest apartments, not that she would’ve minded, but the luxury of privacy was much obliged now and then.

The only time she had experienced better accommodations had been in the palace in Denerim. How many had she spent soaking in hot water, just as she was now, after a tedious day of dealing with every stuck up noble that could be crammed in Ferelden? Of course, she used to have frequent company.

Simply thinking about it made her scoff, pushing the thought from her mind.

She would not go back there. That was not who she was anymore.

Even so, as much as she wanted to forget, it wasn’t possible. He was forever ingrained into her memories. Maker, they had traveled all over the ass end of Ferelden covered in Darkspawn entrails and other filth, how could she forget that?

Seriah sunk further into the water, letting her head fall beneath the surface. As she held her breath, she gazed at the distorted image of the stone ceiling above her. How did she end up here? Why hadn’t she just given her life to the Archdemon all those years ago? At least she would’ve died knowing who she was. Now, Seriah wasn’t able to tell.

She came up for air, quietly gasping as she blinked water from her eyes.

Why hadn’t Cullen asked her about her escape? Did he think her to be a coward for doing so? She would be the first to agree that it was, but, she had her reasons.

It had been a question plaguing her mind for days now, she just never worked up the nerve to ask him. The few nights before she left to track down the mayor, Seriah had hovered around the Battlements intersecting his tower, staring at the light that peeked from under the door. Soldiers had passed her, eyeing her suspiciously before continuing on their rounds.

She had only seen him from a distance, except when she was summoned to the War Room for meetings. The last time they had spoken had been the night she ambushed him in his office, the poor man, until he arrived early for a meeting.

Her arms folded over the rounded edge of the tub, her chin resting upon them, gazing at one of her hands.

Words couldn’t describe how frustrated she was with herself when she had practically held his hand before the last meeting. How foolish of her to do! It had been over a week since that incident and she still found herself angry.

“You’re better than this,” she muttered harshly to herself, quickly moving to lean back against the metal. Water surged around her, some spilling on to the floor.

No, she wasn’t better than that, and she knew it.

Once she had asked Leliana if she would make a good bard. Her friend had only laughed and said she would be if she didn’t wear her heart on her sleeve. It had always been Seriah’s fatal flaw. Over the years, it had gotten better, but that grip on her emotions was slipping once more.

The water had grown cold with her contemplation, so she hurried to finish her washing, and left the comfort the bath had given her. Her exposed skin, still wet from the bath, was chilly against the slight draft that could be felt throughout Skyhold. She covered herself in attempts to keep in the warmth but wanted to be dressed as quickly as possible.

Truthfully, she wasn’t certain of the time. Surely, she had missed supper that was being served in the Main Hall, but Seriah never tended to sit with the others there. There were too many people, too many risks. Usually, she and Leliana would dine together in her quarters, but she was busy with preparations for Celene’s ball that coming quickly.

As she wrapped her coat tightly around herself, a thought came to mind. Had he eaten today? Seriah took notice that he too was rarely seen in the Main Hall amongst the rest of the Inner Circle. It couldn’t make anything worse.

So when Seriah made up her mind, she knew she would have to execute it immediately before she lost the nerve.

Seriah had been correct when guessing that it was past mealtime as the hall was virtually empty of its normal inhabitants, save for Varric and Anja who waved as she passed them. Even the Ambassador was not in her office as she slipped into the room to use the staircase.

The cook, who was commonly known as a harsh woman, had taken a liking to Seriah and was happy to provide her with meals. Most likely because there had been a few times where she offered to help in the kitchen when she wanted to getaway.

Due to her being in the cook’s favor, Seriah was now armed with supper for two and a bottle of wine as she stood outside of Cullen’s door. Who knew a piece of wood could be so intimidating. It was too late to turn back now, besides, the soldiers were going to begin staring soon.

Nervously, she shifted the food in her arms, knocking on the door softly.

An immediate response of, “Enter,” followed.

Seriah pushed open the door, squinting against the dim lighting of his office. There were a few candles lit by his desk, enough to give him light to read.

He had not noticed who had entered as the report he was currently reading held the entirety of his attention.

“Is this a bad time?” She asked him lowly, still hovering in the doorway.

It was as if she had slapped him with her voice. Cullen jolted up in his chair, staring at her with wide-eyes. “Ria? What—no. No! Come in!”

She nodded, smiling slightly as she closed the door with her foot and made way to his desk. “I didn’t know if you had eaten yet,” she said, gesturing to the tray in her hands, “I figured I would come and see if you would like to have supper together?” Her words came off like a question as she still wasn’t sure if she was intruding upon him.

He stared at her in disbelief before his eyes traveled down to the tray. “I would love to,” he confirmed after a moment of silence. Cullen’s hands fumbled over his desk as he made room for her to set the tray down, piles of reports and different tomes were discarded to the side, quickly forgotten. “You didn’t have to do this.”

She began to set out what she had brought, smiling to herself once more. “I wanted to.”

Cullen pulled a chair from the side of the room for her to sit across from him. It was quite a pathetic set up they had going, especially compared to the meals taken in the Hall, but she preferred this. The idea of posh surroundings and servants flocking to her every need still made her uncomfortable.

“Oh, shit,” she said suddenly when he uncorked the wine, “I forgot glasses.”

He chuckled. “I have one unless you would like to share.” The idea made him flush slightly, his hand going to rub the back of his neck. A nervous tick he never seemed to get rid of. Maker, it was still quite cute.

“I think it would only be fair for us to share,” Seriah teased him. The nervousness that had been clawing at her before was slipping away the more they talked. She realized with a heavy heart that she missed him more than she initially let herself believe.

“As the lady insists,” Cullen indulged her, pouring the wine into the glass and handed it to her. “Ladies first, Madam.”

She grinned, taking the glass from him, their fingers brushed against one another. Neither of them wore gloves this time. In fact, he was dressed as casually as he had that night she visited him. “You of all people should know I am no _lady_,” Seriah emphasized the last word, taking a sip before handing it back to him.

“Of course, my mistake.”

The banter felt natural like they hadn’t missed over a decade of each other’s life. A comfortable quiet fell between them as they dined, only broken by her gentle words.

"Things were so much simpler back then.” It wasn’t phrased as a question. A sullen feeling coating her words, twisting them to be more melancholy rather than nostalgic. Cullen caught on to the aura her words gave off, looking down at his hands momentarily. “Maker, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to damper the mood,”

He shook his head. “Can I ask you something?”

Seriah nodded, knowing what was coming.

“Why did you leave the Order? Especially in such a way? I know I should’ve asked the other night when the opportunity presented itself, but I was still trying to process everything.” He still didn’t meet her eyes, his focus on the wall behind her. He was nervous, flustered even.

She reached across the table, resting her hand on the top of his, mirroring the action from some days ago. “It’s okay, you have every right to know.”

When he finally met her gaze, she retracted her hand as the boldness melted away. She took a long drink straight from the bottle of wine, liquid courage Zevran would’ve told her, and it would’ve been true.

With a sigh, she began, not being able to avoid the topic any longer. “You remember the day I left, right?”

He nodded, watching her curiously. “I don’t see how I could forget.”

It was her turn to not be able to meet his gaze. His eyes were too warm, too ready to forgive her cowardness. “I agreed to help Irving expose Jowan and Lily, the girl he was sneaking around with, as they were trying to escape. There had been rumors of Jowan being a blood mage, he thought we were friends, and I was just trying to do right by the Circle.” Bitterness rose as she recalled the events. “Greagoir demanded for me to be punished along with them, even with Irving’s insistence that I was acting under his orders. Before a conclusion was drawn, Duncan conscripted me after Jowan’s escape. I always felt bad for Lily,” Seriah admitted, “it was hypocritical for me to turn in the both of them, because, you know…” she trailed off, finally looking at him.

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Ah, yes.”

“Jowan eventually met his fate. He poisoned the Arl of Redcliff under Loghain's orders and allowed Connor, the Arl's son, to be possessed, resulting in the deaths of many. Part of me wishes it was done by my hand, he thrust me into this life. I was happy in the Circle, I enjoyed my studies and wanted to become a mentor one day. Elves weren’t outcasted, because we were all unwelcomed in society. I’ll never know solidarity like that again,” she had to stop herself. “I was happy there, with you.”

There was no response and she didn’t give him time to.

“However, that being said, I never wanted to be a Warden. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for that life most days, but at what cause? I could never go back to the Circle after all I had done. I didn’t want to live in the spotlight, it would have been a miserable existence of being put on a pedestal. I had to decide who was going to be the next damned ruler of Ferelden even before the Blight ended! As you know, I backed Alistair to be king. Even if we hadn’t been together at the time, I still would have as Anora and I did not see eye to eye. However, that didn’t matter because he married her anyway, ask Leliana how she feels about that one, you’ll get an earful.” She couldn’t help but chuckle.

Alistair and Anora were wed a few months after the end of the Blight. Leliana had not been happy when she found out, Seriah had hidden her hurt. She had expected him to move on, but not that fast. He had seemed happy on his wedding day as she watched in the form of a raven perched upon the windowsill. She remembered when Leliana received a letter from him, telling her of the news and sounding regretful that she had not been there. He never got a response.

“You don’t seem very fond of either of them,” Cullen observed hesitantly.

She offered him a small smile. “You wouldn’t be either if you made your boyfriend king and then he dumps you because you’re an elven mage and unlikely to have children, in front of your entire party. Do you know how long it took to gain their complete respect?” Seriah shook her head, leaning back in her chair. “Anyways, it wasn’t long after until we found out that to kill an Archdemon, a Warden must give up their life to absorb the soul. That is why it must be a Grey Warden who lands the final blow or else the Archdemon will rise once more. I had already decided I was to land the killing blow, but Morrigan had other ideas. She knew of a ritual that would save us both. Please, let me spare you the details, but it involved Alistair and I would hear none of it when she asked me to convince him. She went to him herself and that’s why I’m sitting here today.”

A look of confusion crossed over his face, but he did not pry about the ritual. “Then how did you get away?”

“There were only a few of us who know of the ritual and we didn’t even know if it would work. So, if it did, Morrigan and I were to disappear afterward and Leliana and Zevran would claim I had perished after all. No one has killed an Archdemon in ages so they had told people that there was nothing left behind, that I had turned to ash once the demon’s soul was absorbed. Soon after, they both joined me as Morrigan went into hiding do to her being…indisposed.” She tapped her finger against her chin, mulling over the details. “Ever since, I’ve been scouring Thedas for a cure to the Taint,”

He was left speechless. “That is,” Cullen started slowly, “a lot to take in.”

She cleared her throat awkwardly. “You’re the first person who has heard the entire story. The only others who know were in on the plan. It was a cowardly thing to do, but at the time, I didn’t see another way out.” Her head fell forward in shame, not wanting to look at the pity he felt for her.

“The last word I would associate you with would be coward, Dhavaria.”

There it was, her name. Coming from his lips, it sent a chill down her spine. “You don’t?” She whispered, picking up her gaze to watch him rise. She hadn’t even bothered to correct him.

“No,” he said as he rounded the desk. He knelt in front of her, still allowing her personal space. “I think you’re brave, a survivor, a force to be reckoned with. You had Ferelden on its knees ready to serve you and you walked away. I could never blame you for not wanting that,”

She felt as if she could cry at his words, but she refused to do so. Instead, she rested a hand against his cheek, feeling the stubble scratch the skin of her palm. “Please don’t lie to me,”

He took her other hand in his own, pressing it warmly. “I would never, Ria.”

A shaky sigh left her. They were so close to one another, she could smell the scent of the pomade he used in his hair and musk of his skin.

“Would it be wrong if I kissed you right now?”

His words caught her off-guard at first. “Please,” she mumbled, “please do.”

As his lips met hers, the world slipped away. It was just the two of them, just like old times, before everything went to shit. Her hand on his face caressed the skin before her fingers crept into his hair, freeing it from the style he wore it in. She had missed seeing those curls.

Cullen’s hands made way to her waist, holding her tightly as if she were going to disappear if he let go. Both her arms were now around his neck, pulling her body towards him until they were flush against one another.

“I am so glad you decided to forgo the armor tonight,” she murmured.

A low laugh sounded in his chest and a familiar desire began to seep into her body.

“There wouldn’t happen to be any good storage closets around, would there?” Ria whispered teasingly.

The joke, however, prompted a bold response from him.

He was on his feet in a flash, roughly shoving their long-forgotten meals to the side. The glass they had been sharing carelessly fell to the ground, shattering upon its impact. “I cannot think of any closets but I do have the next best place in mind,”

His attitude only fueled her as she stood, grabbing his hand to pull him to her once more. They were both running off of pure passion and maybe a little alcohol. Giving in to her embrace, he kissed her again as he herded her towards the desk, sitting her upon it when she grew close enough.

Another chill ran through her as his mouth moved from hers, beginning to travel across her jaw towards her neck. “Is this okay?” Cullen whispered in her ear, hovering just over her skin.

“Believe me, I would tell you if I wanted you to stop.”

He laughed, gracing her burning neck with his kisses.

The tips of her fingers danced along the hem of his thin tunic, barely brushing against his skin, drawing a shiver from him. It intensified the kisses against her throat, her eyes fluttering just as his mouth sucked, licked, and bit gently. There were surely going to be bruised from his attacks, but she didn’t mind.

His hands were beginning to push the coat away from her shoulders and soon enough, he was wandering towards the hem of her shirt. They paused, asking silent permission, which she granted and gasped when he dipped beneath the garment, grazing the sides of her body.

Cullen touched her as if she were a treasure to him, it made her heart swell.

She pulled away from him, leaving him confused for a moment, but it quickly turned into a grin when he realized she only intended to remove the layer between them. He obliged by allowing her to strip him of his shirt, leaving the two of them half-naked with one another. 

The clothing was quickly forgotten on the floor as his lips were on her collar bone once more. They made the journey downward, pushing her to lay on the surface of the desk. A few stray papers were beginning to stick to her back due to the sweat beginning to form, but she hardly noticed. All she could concentrate on wash the feeling of Cullen’s lips on her breasts and her stomach, his finger clutching the waistband of her trousers. She found herself suddenly missing the Circle robes she used to wear, they had allowed much easier access.

“May I?”

“Please,” she gasped quietly, now propping herself up on her elbows to watch him.

He undid the ties of her pants and began to pull them down her legs in an agonizingly slow fashion.

“Forgive me,” he said once she lay naked upon his desk, “I am a bit out of practice.”

She only had a chance to smile before his head was between her legs, his lips and tongue caressing her.

Somehow, they had made their way up the ladder into his quarters. Ria still wasn’t sure how they managed to succeed in such a task.

The stars shone through the holes in his ceiling, the night air making an appearance. She shivered, pressing further into his side. His body was warm against hers, it was what allowed her to be able to bear his tower.

In response, Cullen pulled her closer, pressing his lips against the top of his head.

“Do you realize that this was the first time we’ve had sex in a bed?” She said with a laugh, tipping her head up to look at him while playing with a curl of his chest hair.

“Much more preferable to a closet, don’t you think?” He smiled at her, tracing the scar that ran down the side of her face with the tip of his finger. “How’d you get this one?”

For the past hour, they had been laying in each other’s arms, asking about the scars donning their skin. While Cullen had already had his fair share of scars in his youth, they both were older and sported numerous now.

“An ogre from my time in the Deep Roads,” she sighed, laying her head back on his chest. "You don't even want to hear the details."

He hummed his reply, moving his attention to running his fingers through her hair.

“You know I’m not the same person as I was in the Circle,” Seriah said suddenly.

“Neither am I? What are you alluding to?” He questioned her, surprise evident in his voice.

She sighed. “Could you love me again? I am not the Dhavaria you knew, you don’t know who I am now.”

Cullen shifted for her to meet his eyes. “Then let me get to know you and I shall do the same. Unless that isn’t what you want?” He was trying his best to hide his hurt over her words.

“If you’ll have me.” His words prompted a smile.

He cupped her face, pressing a tender kiss to her lips. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone who celebrates it had a fantastic Thanksgiving! I'm sorry that this chapter is a little late, I was just not happy with it and did not post it yesterday.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! We're finally starting to get into their relationship and I literally cannot imagine another beginning other than them hooking up. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and good luck on finals for anyone taking them in the upcoming weeks!


	11. The Marks Left Behind

The dreams hadn’t plagued him as much as they had previous nights. Perhaps it helped that neither had slept much that night, they had been too busy basking in each other’s company.

Not all of their time had been spent in such a physical aspect. Each had taken turns asking the other questions about the decade they had missed. Frankly, there was a lot of ground to cover on both sides.

Ria had drifted off first, her head resting against his shoulder and her hand on the center of his chest. It had been something they could have only dreamed about when they were in the Circle. There would have been no way they could’ve gotten away with such a feat, the tower was too open. Everyone shared everything, especially private moments.

Cullen couldn’t help but marvel at the sight of her lying in his arms, her face the epitome of someone who was at peace. There had been so many times he had dreamed of this moment, he had been quite enamored with her during his youth, that feeling had never left.

As she had slept, one of his hands grazed her back in a soothing manner, feeling the differences of her skin where scars hardened the otherwise silkiness.

When he had first asked her about one of them, Ria had been a bit bashful, fearing he thought negatively of them.

“I simply want to know so I can lay kisses upon every inch they cover while you tell me.”

She had laughed, pulling his face back to hers, kissing him lovingly. “That would take an entire night.”

He smiled as he thought about it, gazing at the sky morphing into day through the holes in his roof. It was already much later in the day than he usually began his day, not that he minded.

Soldiers had been in and out of his office all morning, oblivious to the fact that their Commander was just upstairs. There had been past instances where it had been in another location around Skyhold or indisposed due to symptoms related to his withdrawals. The messengers typically just left the reports on his desk for him when he returned.

He had laid next to her for a time before deciding to fetch them both breakfast before she awoke. It was still relatively early out, meals would not officially be served for an hour or two, not that he dined with the rest of them. Cullen enjoyed the privacy of his office and tended to be too swamped with work to attend every gathering, much to Josephine’s dislike.

“Our forces would benefit if they saw you among the rest,” she had argued once.

“They would also benefit if all their reports are read, patrols in check, and have the equipment they require.”

She hadn’t pushed the issue since.

Even if the fortress was quiet, the kitchens were bustling as they prepared the upcoming meal. The familiar hardened voice of the cook giving directions sounded as if he were talking to his recruits.

His efforts had been fruitful, however. Cullen left the kitchens with his spoils and made way back to his office and quarters to wake Ria.

Once again, there were curious glances thrown his way from his recruits. It wasn’t like him to have company in such a manner. He had always been too busy to pursue anything following his brief relationship with Karina and had never desired to before or after. Ria was different to him. She was not just some whim of desire on his part. Their time together felt natural, as if they had simply picked up where they left off all those years ago.

_Could you love me again?_

_I have never stopped_ is what he wanted to tell her as he held her, determined never to let her go again. If this entire thing was a nightmare, another cruel trick being played on him by his demons, he refused to wake.

The air was warmer than normal as the weather turned towards spring. There was still a chill in the air, but that was inevitable seeing as how they were in the mountains. A cool wind would be present even in the dead of summer. Not that he minded much. Such a cold was familiar to him, it brought a sense of comfort.

That feeling of familiarity was his home.

All his life, Cullen had moved from place to place, never fully belonging anywhere. He had left his family and home in Honnleath at such a young age that when he grew to be a soldier, it no longer felt like home in his mind. He had come from a family of farmers, where did a soldier fit with that picture?

No matter what notions he had drilled into his head, Mia insisted on him visiting every chance she got. None of his family had seen him since he left to join the Templars at thirteen. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them, he was afraid of what they would think. Cullen was not proud of the man he became after Kinloch, they would not have been either. Maker, Mia had to track him down multiple times because he had been so ashamed he had not reached out to her.

Perhaps after all of this was over, Cullen would go and see them. That required their success though, which meant he must continue his work for the time being.

Without thinking, his feet had carried him back to the door of his office. He pushed it open, immediately crossing the room to set down their breakfast. When his back was to the ladder, he heard the sound indicating someone was coming down. Figuring it was Ria, he smiled. “Good morning, how did you sleep—” his words were cut off when he saw who it was.

Dorian stood in front of him, a smug grin on his face. “Good morning, Commander. I slept well, thank you. From the looks of it however, you didn’t do much sleeping.”

Cullen was frozen in front of him, not knowing how to respond. “What?”

“You do know there’s a naked woman in your bed, Cullen, right?”

“Maker’s breath, Dorian. Get out!”

The Tevinter laughed but complied with his demand. “Leliana gave me the unlucky task of letting you know that there will be a meeting in an hour.” And just as he was about to fully slip out of the room, Dorian managed to get one more quick remark in. “Also, you should take those discarded clothes upstairs. Quite conspicuous.”

Cullen groaned when the door shut as he wanted to do nothing more than strangle the mage, even if they were friends.

“I don’t mind walking naked around your office to come down and get them myself, but I don’t want to give your soldiers a show. For free, at least,” Ria called down to him.

Her voice brought a smile to his face. “I would prefer that to be a private show, madam.” He teased her, quickly gathering the fabrics to climb up to her.

She was waiting for him on the bed, the blankets pooling lazily around her hips as she sat up. He could see the marks he had left on her the night before and remember the sounds of pleasure he had been rewarded while doing so. Just the sight of her sitting in his bed wearing nothing but a knowing smile made him feel something he had not felt in a long time. Cullen loved her, he loved her more than ever.

“Why are you standing so far away?” She asked, still grinning. “I won’t bite, unless you would like me too, then I would be happy to bite.”

He chuckled, approaching her to sit down on the edge of the mattress, resting the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed.

The mattress shifted as she moved, crawling towards him. The warmth of her body engulfed him as her arms looped around his torso, her breasts pressed against his back, and her lips hovering over his ear. It made him shiver out of delight.

“I brought breakfast,” he murmured as she began to kiss his neck. A laugh vibrated the skin.

“Can it wait? I believe I have the taste for something else.”

Oh, Maker. She was going to get him in so much trouble, he just knew it.

By the time they were both out of bed and presentable, they were late to the meeting. For once, Cullen didn’t care. There had been more important…matters to settle beforehand. Besides, Ria had insisted he needed a break. How was he going to turn her down?

They had eaten their breakfast on the way to the War Room, neither in any rush to face the reality that they were going to have to get back to work. Especially since she was set to leave for the Western Approach in a few days to meet Scout Harding’s team. The last thing Cullen wanted to do was tell her goodbye now that he just had her again. But he couldn’t think of that now. He scolded himself for not simply enjoying the time they were spending together now.

As they walked, their arms brushed against one another. A few times he noticed her fingers brushing across his hand or as she spoke, her hand resting on his forearm. Those tiny gestures made his heart swell. He was a private person, he had been with Karina as well. He preferred to keep his work life and personal life separate, which had been hard seeing how intertwined the two were. The barracks were already going to be flooded with speculation, especially with Dorian catching Ria in his bed. But when truly faced with the matter, he found himself not minding as much.

The one thing that did worry him was the fact that it was necessary for her to keep a low profile. There were a handful of people in Skyhold that had come into contact with the Hero of Ferelden during her campaign against the Blight, but it seemed to him that Ria had a handle on the situation. It also helped to have Leliana on her side. Even if it seemed she had it under control, he made a mental note to ask her about it later on.

They passed through the Main Hall, Ria waving hello to Varric who shot a smirk back at the two. Dorian had most certainly made the rounds in divulging his findings from earlier. Cullen kept his head down in attempts to hide the flush gathering on his cheeks.

“You know,” she said as they were in between the hall and Josie’s office, “even if Dorian hadn’t barged in earlier, all of the hickeys you left behind are kind of a giveaway.” Ria smiled, gesturing to her neck.

“Didn’t you used to use your magic to heal them?” Cullen frowned.

“Now where’s the fun in that now?” She asked, smoothing down his. “I don’t mind them being on display, does it make _you_ uncomfortable?” Her tone grew serious for a moment.

His eyes lingered on her throat before he spoke slowly. “I am not used to such boldness, I have always preferred to keep my private matters—well—private. But if you want to keep them, then I don’t mind.” He added quickly.

Ria’s fingers caught the collar of his tunic, pulling him down to her height to press a kiss to his still swollen lips. “Perhaps you shall pick a more _private_ area next time then, yes?” Was all she said before pulling away, continuing through the door.

“Maker’s breath,” he muttered, watching her walk away laughing.

Unsurprisingly, Josie was not at her desk as they had most likely begun the meeting already. Cullen had to mentally prepare himself for the steely eyes of Karina Trevelyan who would surely stare them both down.   
Ria and the Inquisitor had seemed to do nothing but butt heads the entire time. There was a clear disdain for the other, although he was unsure what caused it. It could just be their personalities clashing against one another, although they were extremely different. Ria and Anja were more similar with their easy-going mantras and desire to always find the humor in situations. They both had such an intensity to them, it could be frightening.

Karina was the outlier. She was quite childish in her actions, despite being older than the Hero and Champion. The advisors had deduced it to being a spoiled and sheltered child of nobility, especially being the youngest of five siblings. One would think that childish nature could be a refreshing aura to be around, but it was the opposite in many cases. Her responsibilities only seemed to bore her, she would much rather be in the tavern all day than fulfilling her duties as Inquisitor. When she was around her advisors, save Josie, a sort of coldness surrounded her.

When they had been together, they often found themselves in arguments over the fact. She had always said she wanted to be with him, but somehow, his heart always knew she wasn’t serious. It would have hurt less if she admitted he was a passing desire and nothing more. That was increasingly obvious when she took her vows and joined the Templar Order. They argued more often and spent less time with one another. Their relationship was never meant to last. Sometimes, Cullen found himself even regretting letting his slip in judgment get the better of him.

She and Ria couldn’t be more different, thank the Maker for that.

Just as he suspected, the moment they entered the War Room, Karina’s heavy gaze bared down on him. Leliana smirked once her eyes landed on Ria, but said nothing, while Anja coughed to hide her laugh.

“There you are!” Josie said with a smile. If she saw the state of Ria’s neck, she made no indication of it.

“Apologies,” he murmured, taking his place next to the Spymaster and across from Karina who had most definitely noticed the marks. Thankfully, she said nothing.

One thing Cullen was grateful for was that the two of them had never been so intimate.

“Yes, our deepest apologies for holding up the meeting. There were important matters to attend to.” Ria said in a voice so nonchalant, it caught him off-guard. Oh, Maker, she was already trying to rile Karina up. She stood next to Anja, who elbowed her playfully after snorting at them comment. “What did we miss?”

A short glance at Karina let him know that her efforts were already succeeding that could be seen from the redness of her face.

Clearing her throat and shooting Ria a look, Leliana began to fill them in. “Harding should be in the Approach by nightfall, meaning we will hear from her in a few days. We are simply making final preparations for Seriah, Hawke, and Stroud to meet them there.”

“The ball is also approaching fast. Uniforms have come in and we will need to have fittings to have properly fitting attire in time for the event.” The Ambassador added on afterward.

Cullen opened his mouth to protest but was promptly cut off. “Yes, even you, Commander.”

“You may need to throw in some dancing lessons while at it,” Hawke piped up. “The Templar’s don’t have _balls_ remember?” She looked at Ria who rolled her eyes but said nothing in return.

Karina glared at the two of them now. “I am a Templar and can dance,” she protested, effectively killing their joke.

“Even so, may not be a bad idea,” Josie noted something down, making him sigh aloud.

“Seriah, you and I will further discuss perpetrations immediately following the conclusion of this meeting,” Leliana told her, leaving no room for disagreement.

“Of course,” she must have been expecting such a statement for she didn’t seem too shocked.

“Go on ahead, I think we’re done here,” Karina concluded, folding her arms, still staring at Anja and Ria.

Leliana glanced at Cullen before exiting the room, Ria following quickly after her. 


	12. A Known Admission

_We have made way into the Approach. No sign  
of the Wardens on first inspection, but we will thoroughly  
sweep the area until they are found._

_Send word to Ser Hawke, Warden Stroud, and your  
friend to join us as soon as they can. There is a lot  
of ground to cover._

_(A missive from Scout Harding to Sister Nightingale)_

She was to leave for the Western Approach the following day at daybreak.

Ria had just received the news after Leliana had shown her the note sent from Scout Harding, a nice gal she was looking forward to working with.

The missive had come later than they had expected as the initial group had run into trouble crossing the less glamorous part of Orlais. Bandits, civil unrest, red lyrium — you name it had slowed their journey to the western portion of the country. She had made that journey before, but circumstances within Orlais had been much more bearable. Funny how the possible end of the world caused _everything _to go to shit.

While she was not too keen on the journey ahead of them, she was glad to have Hawke with her. The two of them had become good friends as they seemed to be similar people. Their friendship almost tempted her to let the Champion in on the skeletons stuffed into her closet. But that thought was quickly squashed when she remembered who Hawke was good friends with. Ria had nothing against the dwarf, but Hawke tended to tell him too much at times. For now, the ones who already knew would be the only ones.

She had run into a few problems along the way. For one, a dwarven girl she had helped gain access to study at the Circle resided within the fortress. After careful consideration, she was sure Dagna would not recognize her. The last time they had seen one another was in Orzammar. Then, Ria had been much younger as she had reached her second decade of life. Her hair had been long and her face free of the jagged scar running down the side of her face as well as her dress donned with Warden armor fit for mages, not the black leather and light plating she wore now. Leliana had gifted Ria her first set of light armor meant for rouges after helping her train with blades. It was a fond moment she enjoyed recalling from time to time.

Paper with Scout Harding’s message in hand, Ria emerged from the fortress and onto the walkway that bisected the grounds to where her Commander resided.

It was a rare event when he left his dwelling for anything other than something work-related. Lately, she had been able to entice him into taking breaks whether that be a walk through the Chantry gardens or _other _activities to free his mind from his work. Anything that brought a smile to his face was enough for her since Cullen had been so concentrated on what lay ahead of them. 

Because of how focused on work he was, the sight of people coming and going in his office was not an unusual sight. However, when she saw who was leaving, she found it a bit odd.

Josephine and Madam Vivienne were heading straight towards her, a frustrated look on the latter’s face as she had slammed the door shut behind them.

She and the mage had yet to truly meet, Ria only knew of her from what Leliana had told her like the majority of the Inquisitor’s Inner Circle.

Ria caught the Ambassador’s eyes with a silent question as they approached. Vivienne continued past her, grumbling something about a stubborn mule, not sparing her a chilling glance.

With a sigh, Josie paused for a moment. “The Commander is making his fitting more difficult than it needs to be,”

“Ah,” was all she said at first, her gaze now lingering on his door, “yes, I can imagine that would be a challenging task.”

“He managed to convince us to give him a break, he—” Josie cut herself off to make sure no one would overhear them. “He does not look well today.”

Lyrium.

With everything going on, Ria had yet to ask him how he was doing. Did he even know that she was aware of his struggles? Cullen had called her brave the night they had been together, but he was the brave one in her eyes. Cutting the Chantry’s leash was no small feat. She had seen what it had done to Templars who had been exiled from the Order.

“I’ll check on him,” Ria reassured Josie, “I have things to discuss with him after all.”  
“You’re a gift from the Maker, Lady Seriah,” Josie said warmly, pressing her hand before she continued into the fortress.

Only once she had disappeared indoor did Ria hasten her steps to Cullen’s office, knocking softly out of courtesy before opening the door.

The room was dark when she shut herself inside. A number of the candles were not lit and the small windows did not provide much natural light. Most of the lighting streamed through the opening into his quarters above thanks to the roof that had succumbed to nature’s abuse.

“I thought we agreed you would leave me be,” Cullen growled somewhere within the room.

Ria squinted, trying to get her eyes to adjust. “I can go if you’d like,”

A brief silence followed before the sound of shuffling books and papers arose. “Ria, I didn’t mean—” he sighed. His hand was planted on the desk which seemed to be holding most of his weight as his posture was abnormally sluggish. She couldn’t see his face well but could hear the pain in his words. “Maker, forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Cullen.” She stepped towards him as if he were a spooked animal. A flick of her hand and the candles in the room were relit, allowing her to witness the shadows under his eyes and the pained grimace that shook his entire body.

He slumped more into the desk. “I had those off for a reason,” he grunted.

The floor was littered with the supplies left behind by the two women. She was glad she had given herself some light or else she may have stepped on a sewing needle or dirtied some fabric.

Ria stood in front of him, tentatively rest a hand on his cheek. “You don’t look well, can I help you?”

Cullen refused to meet her eyes. “I need to get out of this garbage, I feel as if I am being strangled.”

She moved her hand to his forehead after observing the flushed tone of his skin. He was hot to the touch and in no shape to continue working for the day.

“Let’s get you upstairs, you need to rest.”

“Nonsense, I will be fine once I get out of his costume,” he argued.

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford,” his eyes grew wide at the use of his full name, “I will not sit here and argue with a man who is ill. I understand your work is important to you, but you need to put your health first.” It was as if a mother was scolding her child, but someone had to get through that thick skull of his. “If not for your sake, for mine, _please_.”

“You remembered my middle name?”

“I’m going to throttle you.”

He gave her a weak smile in compensation, though it highlighted the tiredness in his usually warm gaze.

“Do you need help getting up the ladder?” She asked him, leaving no room for argument.

“No,” he said, but his dismissal was ignored when he took a step and his knees buckled.

Ria held him tightly, supporting most of his weight, not saying anything when she saw the embarrassment coloring his features. It made her heart hurt to see him so ashamed.

It took a bit of time to get him up to his quarters, but now he sat on the edge of the bed, his trembling hands struggling to get the crimson Inquisition uniform off.

She knelt in front of him, resting her hands on top of his. “Allow me,” Ria murmured, skillfully undoing the silver clasps, maneuvering around the few pins Josephine and Vivienne had added for adjustments. “I knew you would look handsome all dressed up,” she said as she helped him undress, hoping to take his mind off things. “It is truly a shame I will not be there to save you from the Orlesians falling over themselves to have a shot with you.”

Cullen scoffed. “I’d much rather be scouring the desert than attend this party.”

“Careful what you wish for, darling, I might smuggle you out into the Approach with me.” Her fingers ran along the golden shoulder pads before removed the delicate blue sash laid across his shoulder and tied around the waist. “Are you all truly wearing this monstrosity? Even Karina?”

“I am afraid so. Believe me, I would wear my armor if I could,” he grumbled as she laid the coat on the mattress, leaving him in a thin tunic.

“Leli must be thrilled,” she said mostly to herself with a chuckle as they stripped the rest of the uniform off of him.

The past few times she had undressed him, it had been under wildly different circumstances. But at the moment, her head was clouded with the worry about his well-being to think about such things.

“Josie and Madam Vivienne are going to be thrilled upon their return,” he sighed, watching her neatly fold the clothing before setting it on a chest against the wall.

“I will handle them, now lay down.” Her back was turned to him, her focus on providing clean water in his washbasin. “Quite unfortunate I don’t have my herbs on hand, they’re in my room. I will be sure to pick some fresh ones when I travel through Orlais.” Ria said, bringing the bowl over to the bed, sitting next to him.

“Close your eyes,” she told him gently as she wrung out the cloth now sodden with cool water and rested it on his forehead once he complied.

They sat in silence for some time, her mana enveloping the towel to keep it cool against his feverish skin.

“I stopped taking lyrium,” he murmured.

At first, she didn’t respond. Leliana had informed her of his decision quite some time ago when she found out herself. It had become a common occurrence for her friend to include an update on Cullen after she figured out who he was upon her visit to Kirkwall. When the Chantry exploded, Ria had been journeying through Ferelden in hopes of catching a ship across the Waking Sea. If it had not been a note from Leliana urging her to stay where she was and news of the uprising, Ria would have gone to find either her or Cullen.

She was glad that he had made further progress in cutting his ties with the Templars.

“I’m proud of you.” Her fingers brushed along the line of his cheek, his eyes snapping open.

“You already knew that didn’t you?”

Ria offered an apologetic smile to soothe the annoyance on his face but nodded. “I mean what I say, Cullen.”

It was now his turn to fall into a fit of quietness, his gaze focused on the ceiling.

“Is it this bad often?” She asked him, replacing the towel into the basin, moving to sit closer to him on the bed. Though, the tips of her fingers lingered at his temples, massaging in slow circles.

A sigh a content involuntarily left his lips as he sunk into her touch. “Sometimes, though it has been worse.” He admitted much to her surprise.

“I will be sure to look into some remedies to aid your symptoms, if you wanted, of course.” She added on quickly, not wanting to intrude too much into his privacy. Cullen had always been private, even back in the Circle. He liked to keep his personal matters just that, so him even admitting he was in pain was a sign he was letting her in.

“I would—” he stuttered a bit, resembling the shy boy she had first known, “I would, yes, thank you.”

Downstairs, the sound of the door opening roused them.

“Cullen?” Josephine called from below, drawing a deep groan from him.

When he moved to get up, she stopped him by a hand on his shoulder. “I told you I would handle them,” she assured him while standing herself, wiping her hands on her pants. “I shall be back momentarily,”

Ria quickly climbed down the ladder with the pinned uniform in hand, meeting the suspicious face of Vivienne and the apologetic one of Josie. “The Commander is unwell and requires rest today. I am sure something can be arranged on another day to where you may finish.” Once more, there was no room for argument as she handed Josie the carefully folded fabrics. 

“Shall I send for a doctor?” She asked, taking the clothes from her.

“Unnecessary, I assure you he is in fine hands.” Ria smiled.

“Of course Lady Seriah, I will make arrangements and will discuss it with Cullen when he is feeling better. Please give him our best wishes.” The Ambassador turned to the door, “Madam Vivienne?”

The mage followed her after glancing over Ria once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for posting so late! I decided to take the week off for the holidays and have been spending time with my family over the weekend. I will hopefully be back to posting normally once more!


	13. Correspondence

_Cullen,_

_I’ve been gone for only a few weeks and  
it already feels like an eternity. The Western Approach  
is just as miserable as you think it is. It’s hot, the wildlife  
is just about as welcoming as the bandits and rogue  
Venatori roaming around, but the worst is that I have  
sand everywhere. I mean everywhere._

_We have found little sign of the Wardens thus far, but  
are nowhere near close having swept the entire area.  
At least I am in good company, however. Stroud is an  
honorable man. He knows that I was a Warden but  
has not pried into why I am not a part of the Order  
any longer. It’s people like him who deserve  
to lead—the idea of me being assigned as  
Commander of the Ferelden forces is still laughable.  
  
Hawke is Hawke. I truly enjoy her company. Through  
our travels I find us becoming closer. She has taken it  
upon herself to tell me stories about her time in Kirkwall,  
many of which have involved you. Varric had mentioned  
something about you before, but I never realized you  
were so involved in Hawke’s “conquests” so to say. In  
exchange for her companionship, I agreed to try and  
teach her the power of shape-changing. With all  
this open land I might just test if I can grant  
her wishes of becoming a dragon. If Flemmeth can,  
why can’t I?_

_I hope you are doing well, especially health-wise. I  
have not forgotten my promise of searching for something  
to ease your pain. My pack is full of a variety of herbs  
to replenish my stock. The next time I see  
you I will be prepared. _

_I look forward to coming back to Skyhold, back to you.  
Although, I am sorry I will get to see you all dressed up  
for the ball in Halamshiral. I am sure you will look  
dashing. Be sure to keep the swooning women at arms-  
length for me. _

_If you desire, you may write me back using the same  
raven I send to you. Puck is my personal bird used for  
unofficial correspondence. Please make sure my  
letter to Leli gets to her as I am sending them both  
with him.  
  
_

_I shall see you soon._

_Yours,_   
_Ria_

* * *

“I still find it hard to believe you’re with Curly.”

Ria looked up, alarmed by the sudden intrusion of the privacy of her tent. Hawke hovered in the threshold still, her figure outlined by the light from the fire outside.

She and Cullen had not spoken about where they stood since that first night together. Truthfully, their current relationship revolved around lust, as if they were making up for their years separated from one another. Whenever she was away from Skyhold, they would write letters back and forth, their words on paper much more emotionally involved than face-to-face. Apart from that, they hadn’t discussed feelings and whatnot.

“We have said nothing to make things exclusive,” Ria said with a frown. “But why do you find it so hard to believe?”

Hawke rolled her eyes but ignored her question. “I find that hard to believe, the two of you seem to always find a way to be near each other. Besides, how many nights have I seen you leaving his tower in the mornings? You aren’t even trying to hide it!”

She looked away from her friend and back down to her letter, beginning to fold it. “Why would I hide it?”

Once again, Hawke ignored her question. “You are even writing love notes again!”

Ria held up a second letter, already rolled up for Puck, who had flown down to sit on her shoulder, to carry. “I wrote Leliana one as well then.”

“You’re impossible. Even I admitted my feelings to Isabela and I’m the most emotionally constipated person I know!”

She paused what she was doing. “Isabela? Why haven’t we talked about this?”

Hawke shifted her weight uncomfortably, realizing it was going to be her turn to take about feelings. “I love a pirate, so what? That’s not what we are focusing on here,”

“A pirate?”

Oh, Maker.

She had slept with Hawke’s girlfriend before. Both she and Alistair had slept with Isabela—at the same time.

Suddenly, she was glad that Hawke didn’t know about her true identity or she would probably not live that one down.

“I mentioned you in my letter,” Ria said, changing the subject as Puck cawed impatiently from her shoulder. He was anxious to deliver her letters.

“Only good things I hope.”

“Always, darling.”

Hawke threw her head back, a loud laugh following. Ria stood with a grin, beginning to make her way out of her tent. Cueing her raven to step up on her hand, the papers neatly tied to his leg. The bird perched on her fingers, staring at her, waiting for her command.

Just as she was about to send out her bird, multiple runners approached them hastily. Their faces were red from the sun of the daylight but also flushed from exercise.

“My ladies,” one of them gasped in between breaths, “send word to the Inquisitor, we have located the Wardens. We suspect demons and blood magic to be involved.”

She and Hawke looked at one another.

“Thank you, Bryant. We will send word immediately,” Anja nodded towards her as she was already turning back into her tent to rewrite her correspondence, Puck showing his irritation the entire time.

* * *

_Inquisition,_

_We have located the Wardens. The Inquisitor needs  
to join us in the Approach immediately._

_Leliana’s scouts indicate blood magic and demons  
are at play here. We must act quickly and stop whatever  
ritual they are planning. _

_Safe travels, be ready for a fight.  
  
— S_

* * *

The notes she had intended to send before were quickly thrown to the side, this took priority over personal matters. Hopefully, her friends would understand. 

Their message had been acted on as soon as it had arrived, or so Ria had guessed as much from how quickly Karina and her party arrived. The day after she had sent her missive, one arrived from Skyhold.

* * *

_Ria,_

_The Inquisitor is leaving as I write this. Varric,  
Dorian and Iron Bull are traveling with her. _

_  
Be safe,  
Leli  
  
(a small note was included as well)_

_Ria,_

_I was worried when I did not hear from you, and even  
more so now after reading that blood magic is afoot. I  
feared as much. _

_Maker, I beg you, please take care of yourself. I cannot  
lose you again. I love you._

_Yours always,  
Cullen_

* * *

How long had Ria stared at that little scrap of paper? In truth, she had lost count of how many times she had reread it.

_ I cannot lose you again._

Her head spun with his words.

_I love you._

She could hardly believe she read that in his hand.

The message had been scribbled in haste, perhaps it was just heat of the moment? How could he love her when he barely knew who she had become?

Ria had done her best to push aside her conflicted thoughts, for the time being, more important matters were before them, which was signified by Karina’s arrival.

Varric and Hawke were overjoyed to be reunited with one another. Ria was glad to see Dorian again, although she would not admit that to him. The Tevinter’s ego did not need any more of a boost. The Qunari was a new one. While she had heard about the Iron Bull, she had not yet had the pleasure to meet him.

Perhaps he knew Sten? How she missed that stubborn oaf. Torturing him with friendly conversation had been one of her favorite pastimes when trekking through Ferelden.

Their assault of the ruin was planned for the next day after the party who had just arrived had a chance to gain their bearings and prepare to walk into who knows what.

She had known they were close, the false Calling had been getting worse the deeper into the desert they had gone. Stroud seemed to be affected by it as well, both of them losing hours of sleep to the nightmares. Even during the day, her head had been swirling with images of her imminent death and Darkspawn lingering beneath the surface. Such a thing really could put a person on edge.

But right then, all they could do was wait. As soon as Karina was ready, they would swoop in on the Order she had almost given her life to.

Cullen’s message still staring her down, she sighed, beginning to pen a response to him.

* * *

_Cullen,_

_I am truly sorry that I have not had the chance to  
write to you, things are especially hectic. I was  
thankful to receive your message. How much did you  
have to beg to get Leliana to include it?_

_A little blood magic is no match for me. It takes a_  
lot to knock me down, you know that. Please do not  
worry about me, I will be fine.

_I will be home soon._

_— Ria_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry for the lack of updates. I am a super busy college student so whenever I say I am going to be posting regularly, take it with a grain of salt.
> 
> I wanted to do a chapter focusing on the letters sent back and forth and figured this would be a good transition chapter to implement that style. I hope to do more like this in the future!


	14. Blood of My Brothers

Hawke anxiously shifted her weight as her thumb circled the edge of the golden ring. The ring must’ve been old for it did not sparkle in the sun as brightly thanks to a creeping fit of rust, dulling the metal.

Her restless movements made Ria more uneasy than she already was.

Stroud seemed to mirror her demeanor as he scanned the entrance to the temple again, checking to make sure none of the Wardens within had spotted them yet. They were held back only by the anticipation of Karina and her party’s arrival.

The three of them had been waiting for some time now. Whatever the Wardens were planning, they had obviously begun. Even from this far, Ria could feel how thin the Veil was. The feeling reminded her of her days in the Circle, the Veil had been so thin within those walls from all the magic. They were so exposed to the demons just on the other side, she would not be surprised if they were circling them, like a predator stalking its prey.

No matter what, she would not be the hunted.

The sound of horses gave them a sense of relief. Their arrival signaled that they were going to be able to stop whatever horror was going on just past the threshold.

They left their mounts a good distance from the temple so that they wouldn’t be seen. Karina was the first to appear upon the crest of the hill, donned in full Templar armor. Varric, Dorian, and Iron Bull trailed close behind her, the mage seeming incredibly displeased with what the desert had to offer.

“You said you wanted to go someplace warmer, Dorian,” Karina said with a chuckle as they approached.

Dorian said nothing directly in response, instead, choosing to mock her to himself.

“I’m glad you made it, Inquisitor,” Stroud greeted them. He and Hawke framing either side of the entry, leaving Ria in the middle. “I fear they have already started the ritual.”

“It has to be blood magic,” Hawke said, still on edge, “I hope we can stop them before more people get hurt.”

Karina nodded, looking at Ria to say something.

“We need to be careful, the Veil is extremely thin here.” Ria looked at Hawke and Dorian. “Remember how open we are to the demons who lurk just on the other side. There is no telling what is happening in there, but prepare for the worst.”

“You take point. I’ll guard your backs,” Hawke concluded the discussion, their party beginning inside.

Ria fell in step beside Stroud who glanced at her. “They’re going to be quite shocked when they see _two _rogue Wardens,”

She couldn’t help but grin. “Most people usually are.”

That grin quickly faded as they grew closer to the heart of the temple.

Bloodied bodies littered the stone ground, staining floor red. They lay discarded for they had no more use to whoever was orchestrating this mess. Her heart still clenched at the sight.

“Wait…no.” A voice cried out from within.

“Warden-Commander Clarel’s orders were clear.” Another voice.

“This is wrong!”

The sight of a hooded Warden standing before a mage, not dressed in the Order’s uniform, came into view.

“Remember your oath: In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death…sacrifice.” They mage recited mockingly. Just hearing it made her blood boil.

The Warden dropped to the ground, his blood lingering in the air. Where he had stood, a demon emerged. That was when she noticed the edges of the platform lined with Grey Wardens—specifically mages—and a variety of demons.

“Good!” The outsider praised the Warden who had struck down his comrade. “Now bind it, just as I showed you.”

Maker’s balls. They were going to be in for it.

Harsh green light pooled around the killer’s hand, forcing the demon to submit to his will, his eyes glowing a cynical red as they took their place at the edge.

“Inquisitor! What an unexpected pleasure.” The ringleader sounded almost joyful at their presence. “Lord Livius Erimond of Virantium, at your service.” His introduction followed by a dramatic bow.

Stroud surged before the group. “You are no Warden!”

“But you are,” Erimond sighed. “The one Clarel let slip—oh. Two Wardens? I wasn’t aware so many slipped through the cracks.” He stared at Ria, his eyes challenging her. “And a mage, how lucky am I?”

She felt inclined to defend the Order, not paying any mind to the others who weren’t aware of her affiliation. “You will pay for what you have done here if it is the last thing I do.” Her words left her as a snarl, clearly taking both the mage and Stroud by surprise. Good, they had underestimated her.

As she took a step forward, the familiar feeling of her mind being prodded at the hit. Although it had never been so bad before. The thinness of the Veil had left her vulnerable. Pictures of Darkspawn, endless Blights and Old Gods plagued her mind as they tried to break open her mind.

Ria cried out in a mix of shock and pain, falling to her knees. She was no longer able to hear what was going on around her, her world was going dark. She needed to regain focus. “O Maker, hear my cry: Guide me through the blackest nights.” Her lips curled around the familiar words of the Chant as she grounded herself in reality. “Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked. Make me to rest in the warmest places.”

Awareness was beginning to come back to her, a hand was on her shoulder. Whose hand?

“O Creator, see me kneel: For I walk only where You would bid me. Stand only in places you have blessed. Sing only the words You place in my throat.”

People were yelling. She could barely make anything out over the angry roar of demons.

“My Maker, know my heart: Take from me a life of sorrow. Left me from a world of pain. Judge me worthy of Your endless Pride.”

Her sight returned as she pushed the images from her mind. Those fingers were still grasping at her though, trying to find a way in. The Wardens are being controlled. Their minds are not their own. They would bend to the will of their master, this mage.

“My Creator, judge me whole: Find me well within Your grace. Touch me with fire that I be cleansed. Tell me I have sung to Your approval.”

Ria lifted her head, glaring at the mage. He was focused on the Inquisitor, saying something about how they would ultimately fail.

“O Maker, hear my cry: Seat me by Your side in death. Make me one within Your glory. And let the world once more see Your favor.”

Karina screamed as a streak of light forced her to her knees beside her. The mark, he was using the mark against her. Luckily her will was strong. After a few painful seconds of struggle, Karina rose once more to face their enemy who looked quite frightened.

“For You are the fire at the heart of the world, and comfort is only Yours to give.”[1] She murmured, clenching her fist. Mana surged through her veins. As the mage ran from them, he was stopped in his tracks. Stone covered his skin, trapping him within it. She could shatter him into pieces at that moment, oh Maker, how she wanted to.

The sound of battle rocked her mind and sent her surging back into the fullness of reality. Ria felt as if her breath had been ripped straight from her chest.

Screeching demons, swearing Wardens, the battle cries of her allies—she needed to be strong. Pull it together, Dhavaria.

A hand appeared in front of her, a glove made of fine leather covered it. Dorian stood before her, ready to help her back to her feet. She gladly took it, feeling her squeeze her hand encouragingly as he pulled her up.

“That spell with the rocks was quite impressive. Teach me later?” He grinned, his mustache quirking up at the gesture.

“I think that could be arranged,” she said, taking her place next to them.

The majority of the corrupted Wardens and the demons they were tethered to laid dead on the ground, near the brethren they had slain themselves.

She focused on the scene in front of her, finally regaining her bearings. There would be no time to reach for her blades as a Warden was already upon her. Quick thinking turned the air around him into a prison, her fingers curling to harness the mana. Her arms shook from the pressure as she watched him struggle to continue going after her.

“I’m sorry,” Ria whispered just as she tore her hands away from each other, successfully ripping his body to shreds. Blood splattering all over her and gathered that Dorian too had been hit from the cry of disgust that sounded from behind.

They made quick work of the rest of them. Soon, the only one left alive was the Tevinter mage who had been orchestrating the disaster. Her spell was wearing off as Ria approached him, chunks of rock falling off rapidly, shattering to dust when they hit the floor.

Stroud, Hawke, and Karina were talking frantically, corpses surrounding them. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she wasn’t worried about them.

“Don’t kill me! It was the Elder One, I did it for him.” He pleaded to her when he saw murder in her eyes.

“Maker’s breath shut the _fuck_ up!” Ria had had enough. Her fist struck him across the head, causing him to drop to the floor in front of her feet.

When she turned to face the others, most seemed amused, besides Karina of course, that woman would never admit that she was funny. But that was fine, she was in no mood to be her normal light-hearted self. All she wanted was to get back to camp, to be alone. Her head felt like it was about to explode from its attempted invasion.

She brushed by the rest of the party, saying curtly, “I will meet you back at camp.”

No-one stopped her. No one questioned her—they would be a fool to do so.

She was tired, in pain, and covered in the blood of her brothers and sisters.

With the flick of her hand, her form shifted into that of a raven as she flew from the Temple.

She had not gone back to camp at first.

Instead, Ria had picked a quiet spot up on the cliffs where no wildlife roamed. She had fallen to her knees, dug her fingers into the rock, and sobbed.

When Leliana had first reached out to her about helping out, Ria had thought she wouldn’t be as affected as she was. It had been so long since she had called herself a Grey Warden, bound to a life of fighting Darkspawn. For so long, she had fooled herself into thinking she was no longer Dhavaria Surana. At this point, she wasn’t sure where Dhavaria ended and Seriah started.

Cullen had said he loved her.

How could he love someone who barely even knew who they were anymore?

Upon her trip back to camp, she came across a river and proceeded to scrub the blood off of her skin. She scrubbed herself until her skin became raw and hurt to the touch. She had become so numb while she did so.

It was dark by the time Ria stepped foot into camp once more. Everyone had seemed to turn in for the night, besides Varric and Hawke who were conversing quietly by the fire. Thankfully, they had been too absorbed in their conversation to notice her return.

She hurried back to her tent, not wanting to catch the attention of anyone. Her body was exhausted, her mana was depleted. But when she opened the flap of her tent, Karina was there holding a piece of paper.

Her back was turned to her and she had not heard her entry.

“Can I help you with something?” Venom poisoned her tone, making the Templar jump.

“Oh, welcome back.” Karina made no move to hide the fact she was going through her personal correspondence. She was acting like the was doing nothing wrong.

“Who do you think you are, going through my personal items?” Ria demanded, storming towards her. She was fuming.

Karina tilted her head a bit, watching her. “Did you know he loves you? He never told me such a thing,”

“Karina, it would be in your best interest to get out of my tent right now.”

She _tsked_ her, running her finger over the page. “Now, what did our dear Commander mean when he said he can’t lose you _again_?”

“I don’t have to answer to you,” Ria could not think of a way to talk herself out of it when she was already so worked up. “I will tell you once more, get out of my tent before I force you out.”

“I am the Inquisitor, you will answer me when I ask—”

Being an elf, Ria was roughly a head shorter than Karina; but still, she got into her face. “You may be the Inquisitor, but I do not answer to you—nor anyone in your Inquisition. I think you forget that I owe you _nothing_ and I answer to _no one_. So if you would kindly fuck off out of my tent, that would be fantastic.”

Now Karina was furious, her face glowering with hatred. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but she chose to simply place the letter back on the desk, and exit the tent.

However, she paused just before leaving. “I will find out what you’re hiding.” And Ria was left in silence once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1]: Transfigurations 12:1-12:6 - Andraste's Prayer before the siege of Minrathous
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this chapter because we really get to see how confused poor Ria is about who she is. Her past and present self are colliding and blending together and she's terrified about losing herself. As much as she doesn't want to go back, she finds her past rearing its ugly head.


	15. Yours

The original letters still sat on her makeshift writing desk. She had not touched her paper nor pen since the confrontation at the temple. Even the arrival of a letter from Cullen could not rouse her to pick up her pen.

Ria sat on her cot, staring at the unopened letter. Puck cooed softly in the background, along with the other raven who had delivered the letter, the one marked with a white feather on its breast.

It was unwise of her to leave it unanswered for so long, Cullen would certainly grow worried over such silence.

He probably already was.

With a heavy sigh, she rose, and apprehensively picked up the letter. ‘Ria’ was written across the front in his familiar heavy hand. Carefully breaking the seal, she pulled a sheet of letter paper from its envelope, smoothing the creases on the surface of the desk when she sat down.

* * *

_Ria,_

_The only things keeping me from riding to you  
out in the Approach are Leliana’s insistence on   
staying put and the fact that Josephine would give me a firm  
lashing with her words for disappearing just   
before we are to leave for Halamshiral, which is soon.   
For you, however, I would defy them both just to  
guarantee you’re safe. _

_I apologize for worrying so severely, it is just that  
your lack of correspondence was quite alarming  
following the steady trend that has predated the  
confrontation at the Temple. _

_I have read the reports from Hawke and Karina.   
Ria, if you ever need to talk, I am here for you   
always. Please remember this. Also, remember  
I would much rather be in the desert by your  
side than at a ball filled with nobility, we   
will most likely be well on our way by the time  
you receive this letter. Having you here would  
make this entire thing much more bearable. _

_I love you and will see you soon._

_Yours,  
Cullen_

* * *

Her eyes filled with tears as they scanned the page, a few dripping off the tip of her nose and onto the parchment.

Ria dropped the parchment back onto the table and leaned back in her chair. He had said he loved her again. So it hadn’t been in the heat of the moment—that was such a terrifying thought. The fact that he could confidently say he loved her when they had hardly shared anything other than physical intimacy.

“Ria?” Her solitude was broken by Dorian’s voice. He was hovering in the threshold of her tent, waiting for her okay to enter.

She wiped her eyes, trying to hide her tears. “What is it?”

He cleared his throat, taking that as a good enough answer as any as he proceeded into her tent. “Can I not simply come and chat with a friend?”

Ria smiled slightly. “I suppose that’s alright,” she said softly.

Dorian sat on the edge of her cot, looking at her without saying anything for a long moment. “I was wondering when you would finally open your letter from him,” he said, observing the letter behind her.

“Pardon?”

He rolled his eyes, retrieving a few folded papers from his coat. “He is very concerned about you. I’m convinced he only inquired after my well-being out of courtesy.” Dorian attempted to make a joke, but it only made her feel worse for her silence.

She dropped her head, looking back at the letter, her eyes lingering on the last line.

_I love you and will see you soon._

“So, a Circle mage _and_ a Grey Warden,” Dorian began, “you are an interesting character. Aren’t you?”

Without waiting for her response he continued.

“I still am trying to figure out which Circle you came from, although it’s hard seeing as all of the Southern Circles are broken—unless you aren’t from the South.” He paused as if the answer was written on her forehead. “No, you stink of Ferelden too heavily to be from anywhere else,”

“Dorian, you know I wish I could tell you about my past, but for my safety, I cannot. Maybe one day, but not anytime soon.” A look of concern spread over his face as he studied hers. “I’d be putting too much at risk, too many people have sacrificed for my background to be a mystery for it to backfire now.”

“Ria, are you in danger?”

“What? No!” She shook her head quickly. “No more than usual,”

He sighed. “I didn’t just come into your tent to berate you. Karina and the rest of the party are packing up to meet everyone in Halamshiral, you should come back with us.”

“But the Wardens—”

“Stroud and Hawke are gathering Leliana’s scouts and claim they have enough manpower here. It was actually Hawke’s idea.”

Ria was silent for a long moment. “Please don’t make me wear those ugly Inquisition uniforms, I’m technically not even an official member.”

This got a smile from her friend. “Deal, we’ll find you something to wear. It’s Orlais, every corner is packed full of clothing for the wealthy.”

It was settled and Ria was packed and ready to go with Dorian’s help in no time.

The original party was mounting their steeds, but she searched for Hawke, wanting to bid her farewell with a promise to write and return to the Approach soon. Finding her took no time, her hair the color of flame singled her out amongst the others in the camp. With a warm hug despite the heat, hopes for safe travels, and even a farewell from Stroud, she was ready to depart.

If they had thought the ride to the Western Approach was bad, the way out was worse.

Ria was dirty, exhausted, and sore from the heat and days of hard riding. Thankfully, the weather had been on their side and they were mere miles from arriving in Halamshiral.

After a letter from Josephine informing the Inquisitor of their arrival just a day prior, they had pushed harder, anxious to reach their destination.

According to Josie’s writing, the ball was to be held in a week from tomorrow. What Karina hadn’t told her was how sunburnt the lot of them were from the unforgiving desert sun. Her pale skin had not reacted well underneath the sun, which wasn’t surprising. Ria didn’t have as much trouble as the others due to her constant traveling for the past decade or so. Seeing the Ambassador’s reaction was going to be the highlight of Ria’s week.

Karina also didn’t include that Ria would be attending with them. “A fun surprise” she had said. Poor Josie was going to lose hair from the stress coming her way. While Josie’s joy to see her was questionable, she knew Leliana would be over the moon to see her, and Cullen—oh Cullen. She hadn’t answered his letter since she was going to be seeing him soon. It wasn’t the proper thing to do, but it was too late for that now.

The final few miles passed by rather quickly, thank the Maker, for the \ the estate they were to stay at came into view.

Inquisition soldiers were stationed outside of the manor. Who did this house even belong to?

As if he had read her mind, Dorian informed her of the owner. “This is the summer home of a lord who happens to be a friend of the Trevelyans. They aren’t home now, so it’s just Inquisition presence here and the family’s servants.”

A few servants took their horses when they were dismounted before a few more came to usher them inside the house. They were all elves. It made her stomach turn as she remembered how disgusted Orlesians were with her race. She tried to meet all of their eyes with a pleasant smile when they seemed surprised to see and elven woman traveling with the Inquisitor.

There wasn’t much time to linger on such thoughts once they were inside. Everyone went their separate ways and Ria was directed to follow a woman roughly her age to her chambers.

“We have hot water already prepared for you, Miss. Supper will be served at six.” The elf’s thick Orlesian accent sliced the air as they arrived at a door.

“If I may ask, where is the Commander staying?”

Her question got an odd look. “Down the hall, the fourth door on your right. Excuse me, I have much to do. Call if you require anything,”

Once by herself, Ria was tempted to go see her Commander right away. But catching one whiff of herself caused her to change her plans and take advantage of the bath prepared.

She allowed herself a bit of quiet after having spent the past ten days on the road with the Inquisitor’s party. However, Ria hated the quiet when she was alone like this. Her mind wandered to the past events as she recalled the confrontation with the Wardens. Just the thought was enough to sour her mood once more.

After all the sweat and dirt was scrubbed away, she dressed and was on her way to the room Cullen was staying in.

She paused just outside, listening to see if he was inside. The muffled sound of papers being shuffled and the squeaking of a chair was enough to let her know.

Ria knocked gently which earned her a gruff permission for entry.

The room was well lit from multiple candles burning around the room. This was quite the change from Skyhold and his dim office.

Cullen’s back was towards her though, as he hunched over in a familiar position, furiously writing away. He didn’t even pull himself away to see who had come in. She noticed he had forgone his armor as she quietly crept across the room towards him. His hair was a mess, the golden curls breaking loose from the pomade he stubbornly insisted on using, as if he had been running his hands through it constantly.

She laid a careful hand on his shoulder, leaning down to press a kiss to the crown of his head. Ria felt him freeze under her touch. “I decided to deliver a response in person.” His hair tickled the end of her nose, but she didn’t mind. The smell of him made her temporarily forget the hardships that had been weighing on her mind, a sense of comfort enveloping her. Now that she was with him, nothing could go wrong.

He whipped his head around to look at her in surprise. “Ria?” Cullen said, completely dumbfounded at her presence before jumping from his chair. Without a moment’s hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a desperate kiss.

She could feel his hands trembling as they grasped her hips, the withdrawal must be bad today. But it slipped her mind as he kissed her like he had not seen her in years.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, breathing heavily once he broke away from her. “Not that I’m not excited to see you, I’m just surprised.”

Ria smiled slightly as she gazed up at him. “It’s been a rough few weeks, Hawke insisted I leave with Karina to visit Halamshiral, to visit you.”

“I was so worried about you. You didn’t answer my letters, I was afraid something happened to you.”

“I’m here and I’m okay,” she said as she caressed the stubble on his cheek. “There is much to discuss, but tonight, I just want to enjoy being back with you.”

He sighed, resting his forehead against hers.

“Also, Josephine is going to through a fit when she sees how sunburnt Karina is.”

Cullen couldn’t help but chuckle. Even so, he sounded so tired. She wondered how long he had been ill for

“Come, sit with me.” She said, prompting him to abandon his work as she guided him to the plush bed against the wall. Coaxing him away had never been a challenge when it came to her. Often in Skyhold she pulled him out of his office to walk the grounds or have a meal.

Cullen crawled onto the bed, next to where she had situated herself before he reached out to pull her onto his lap, holding her securely in his arms. She felt his face press against the dampness of her hair, most likely allowing himself to process her presence being real.

“Cullen, how long has it been this bad?” There was no need to specify what she was referencing.

As he let out another sigh, she adjusted herself to straddle his lap to face him directly.

“It grew worse once you left. I suppose it was the constant stress I was under, I didn’t realize how much it helped having you with me until you were gone.”

Guilt crept in, she shouldn’t have been so selfish. Ria had completely forgotten about his struggle with the lyrium. She had assumed he must have been feeling better, that his condition was improving. How foolish had she been to jump to conclusions like that. How _dangerous_.

“Please don’t blame yourself,” he assured her frantically, cupping her face in his hands. “I need to take better care of myself and remember I’m not a young man anymore who can be so reckless.”

Her eyes had already flooded with tears at the thought of losing him from his battle with lyrium. She couldn’t help but think of his letters, how he could’ve—Maker forgive her—_die_ while not knowing how she truly felt as well. “You said you loved me,” Ria’s voice cracked.

“What?”

“In your letters. You said you loved me,”

Cullen’s face flushed with color, looking away from her. “Oh, yes. Was it too sudden? I apologize, I shouldn’t have—”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me, Cullen. How can you love someone you don’t even know? There’s ten years not accounted for between us. I don’t even go by the same name or the same identity in public. I’ve been in hiding all this time. Maker, I can’t even tell my friends who I am out of fear it may fall into the wrong hands.” He watched her, not knowing what to do. Ria pushed herself off his lap, not able to stop the words pouring from her lips. “You thought I was _dead_ for years!” Tears were streaming down her cheeks, the pain from the past ten years pouring from her eyes. “How can you love a woman who doesn’t even know who she is anymore? Am I dead or alive because I can’t tell. I keep saying Dhavaria is dead, but all I want to do is crawl back to her. Tell me, how can you love _this_?”

Moving slowly as if she were a spooked animal, Cullen reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss her knuckles tenderly. “You have always been Ria to me, that will never change, my love. If you want to be Dhavaria Surana again, I will support you every step of the way. I want you to be happy. The last thing you should do is trap yourself into a box you don’t fit into.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks, smiling slightly. “Damn whatever consequences come about it so long as you’re happy. I would raid the Black City for you if you required it and I will stand by your side no matter who you want to be. I love you, Ria.”

A sob escaped her. He sounded so genuine if physically hurt her. She was the last person who deserved his kind heart and love, but he was giving it to her.

Ria threw her arms around him, holding him tightly. He pulled her against his chest, kissing her temple as he held her close.

“I love you,” she whispered once her tears subsided. “I do not deserve you, but I am yours. I will never let you go again for it would kill me to lose you again,”

He smiled. “And, I too, am yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the lack of updates! Please accept this decently sized chapter as an apology and their reunion as well :,)


	16. Fear is All I’ve Known

Light streamed in from a crack in the curtains signaling morning had arrived.

Ria had been awake for some time now, having not been able to sleep without nightmares intruding the Fade she unconsciously walked. She had dreamed of being back in Kinloch when the Circle fell, watching as Cullen suffered within a prison he could not break free from. The demons lingering in the Fade were out for blood, exploiting her fears, just like they always tried to do when she was stressed.

It had been hard to pull away from those vivid images that haunted her. She had awoken with a cold sweat mixed with her face wet with tears. Luckily, she had not disturbed Cullen’s sleep. Maker knows he needed it more than her.

For the next few hours, she had simply laid beside him, gently running her fingers over the lines of his body and playing with a bit of hair that donned his chest. She watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically and smiled whenever he pulled her closer in his sleep. Ria had taken their time together at Skyhold for granted and scolded herself for being so stubborn before.

The fact that she had never ceased loving him was the truth. She knew it in her heart the moment she laid eyes on him that first night she arrived. There had been a note of recognition in his eyes when he gazed upon her raven form. How badly had she wanted to show herself to him, to reassure him that she was very much alive? Unfortunately, he would have fallen off the of the Battlements in pure shock, driving them both to further anguish.

Ria pressed her face into his chest, feeling the warmth of his body against her cheeks. The sound of his heartbeat had quickly become her favorite song as its steady rhythm brought her comfort.

He shifted, prompting her to lift her head to meet his sleepy gaze.

“Good morning,” Cullen murmured, once again pulling her closer to him with a content sigh.

She willingly settled against him, letting her arm drape across his abdomen and her head on his shoulder. “I hope I didn’t wake you,” Ria said fretfully, tracing light circles on his side.

“No, I slept later than I usually do. Half of the Inquisition probably thinks me dead or gravely ill because of it,” he chuckled to himself.

“There’s no reason to roam around at the crack of dawn without your usual duties to attend to. Besides, they wouldn’t think anything of it when they realize I’m here.” Ria adjusted her position so that their chests were flush against one another, his hand coming to rest on the small of her back tenderly. She couldn’t help the wide grin that accompanied her words, drawing another laugh from Cullen.

“I suppose you’re right,” he said, “although, there is already enough talk throughout the barracks.”

“Does it bother you?”

He raised his eyebrows at the question. “I would prefer if my—_our_ private matters stayed that way, but I would hate it more if there were nothing there to talk about.”

“That’s a pity, they do love me. Anything to get their boss to be a little softer on them, hm?” Ria teased him.

Cullen only shook his head with a smile.

They laid in silence for a long moment, listening to the bustle of servants and other members of the Inquisition outside the door. But in this room, it was just them, it was like nothing else existed.

Ria couldn’t help but let her mind wander to if this is what their future could hold. Never in her life had she thought about settling down until recently. Before her hunt to cure the Taint, she never thought she would live this long. After this mess with the Wardens was settled, she would continue the process of ridding herself of the last thing that made her a part of their Order. It was an ugly process, but she would do just about anything to set her life back on track.

Perhaps they would settle down somewhere in Ferelden, have a family, and simply blend in with the people of their home country. Cullen had been a farmer’s son before he was a Templar, maybe he wanted to go back to his roots? Maker’s breath, she was getting way ahead of herself. A part of her wanted to ask, but a similar fear of rejection hung heavy in her mind.

Cullen’s fingers trailing back and forth on the bare skin of her back drew her away from her wandering mind. He was watching her with tender eyes and a quiet smile. “What are you thinking about?”

“The future,” she said before she could stop herself.

“Oh?” He seemed surprised at her reply, but the smile didn’t fade. “I don’t suppose I’m in this future?”

Ria’s face flushed. “Sometimes I miss the bumbling idiot you were in Kinloch,” she grumbled at his teasing.

“He’s still there, trust me.” His eyes grew darker with emotion for a brief moment, before he shook the thought from his mind. “But you know he wouldn’t be brave enough to do this.” Cullen grabbed her waist and flipped them over so he now laid between her legs. His lips were immediately on her throat, going over the marks left the previous night.

She gasped, but a strangled laugh followed. “You haven’t had enough?” One hand buried itself into his golden curls as his head trailed down her body leaving kisses in its wake.

He paused, only to look her in the eyes. “I can never have enough of you, my love.”

They had spent another hour or so in just the company of themselves until a knock sounded at the door, promptly ending their _intimate _time and pulling them back into the real world.

The culprit didn’t wait for an answer before opening the door and the two barely had time to pull the sheets over themselves for some sort of modesty.

Leliana stood in the doorway, Dorian lurking behind her with a smug look.

“I figured this is where you would be when Cullen didn’t appear at breakfast. Dorian had to inform me that you had tagged along with Karina’s party.” Leliana didn’t seem phased at the state presented in front of her. Both she and the mage entered the room, shutting the door behind them so they wouldn’t be disturbed.

“Karina was quite displeased when she realized that her general was too _busy _to make an appearance,” Dorian laughed as he dropped into a chair pushed against one of the walls. “Perhaps she regrets agreeing to bring you back. If her feathers are this ruffled already, I can’t even imagine what the upcoming ball will bring.”

His attitude towards the Inquisitor had clearly shifted while she had been away in the Approach with Hawke and Stroud. Before, he had seemed to still tolerate her, maybe even cling to any bit of friendship that existed between them. What had been the breaking point?

“Speaking of, we need to get you prepared or else you’re going to go in that sheet.” Leliana grinned, standing with her arms crossed at the foot of the bed.

Her poor Commander was blushing furiously at the intrusion. Cullen continued to avert his eyes away from the two out of obvious embarrassment. Leliana was kind enough to keep her attention on Ria, who couldn’t care less about her lack of dress. Dorian snuck a few looks Cullen’s way, but read the signals of how mortified he was and followed Leliana’s lead.

“Leli, why don’t you let us get dressed and then we can go over everything. Okay? We need to talk about what happened at the Approach anyway,” Ria offered in hopes of shooing them out of the bedroom. Her last sentence had caught Cullen’s attention as she remembered she had promised him last night they would discuss the same thing as well. She would talk to him about it later, when they were alone once more, with no risk of being disturbed.

“I’ll wait outside,” she agreed, much to Ria’s relief.

When the door was shut and they were alone once again, she threw back the covers and stood, stretching to chase away the kinks in her body. She felt Cullen’s gaze on her back, following her as she gathered her clothes off the floor.

“Did you still want to discuss what happened with me?” He asked her in a hesitant tone.

She turned to face him with a reassuring look. “Yes, just when we have more time tonight and Leliana is not standing right outside the door.”

He nodded, watching as she began to dress before getting up himself.

When she was done, Ria leaned against the footboard of the bed, observing him. “Cullen,” she called to him lowly, catching his eyes. “I love you.”

She was rewarded with a smile that made her melt. “I love you too.”

Ria rounded the bed to kiss him goodbye, but when she went to leave, he caught her wrist and pulled her back to him. “I also want to know what you meant by the future earlier, I haven’t forgotten.” He grinned and placed another kiss upon her forehead before letting her go.

Leliana was still waiting outside, leaning against the wall with an easy smile on her face. “I cannot believe no one mentioned you were accompanying the Inquisitor,” she said as Ria stepped into the hallway. “Although, perhaps it was a good thing since you seemed to be busy last night.”

She shook her head with a laugh. “I would have been thoroughly annoyed with you, surely,” Ria said as they walked the corridor, heading to the room where her friend occupied. Leliana only paused to ask a servant to bring breakfast to her quarters to which the elven woman nodded and scurried to the kitchens.

Upon stepping inside, she noticed the immediate difference of this room to the last. While Cullen preferred to keep the lighting dim with the curtains drawn, mostly due to his constant headaches, Leliana’s was bright enough to admire how truly expensive and divine the details of the rooms were.

Wood furniture was meticulously placed throughout with fine red silk decorating most of the room. The curtains, the sheets of the bed, the fabric of the chairs. The walls were covered with a multitude of different paintings, most being old looking portraits of people who were unknown to her. She wondered if the family who resided here even knew who they were either.

Her friend sat on the edge of the bed, clearly waiting for her to join so they could begin discussing the important details of her trip. Ria’s palms felt clammy just recalling brief moments from the Temple, but it had to be done. She needed to get her fears and experiences out in the open.

It was almost as if they were back traveling around Thedas after the commencement of the Fifth Blight, sharing a tent, and divulging secrets like two schoolgirls. Ria had never had a friend like Leliana and she was eternally grateful for her. She knew she could trust her with anything. Andraste’s ass she had helped her fake her death.

“Tell me what happened,” Leliana whispered, a soft look in her eyes as Ria sat down next to her. 

She tried to think of where to begin, her eyebrows furrowing as she studied the floral pattern on the comforter. A knock sounded at the door, allowing her to gather her thoughts as Leliana retrieved their breakfast.

“I thought you already ate?” Ria asked as she set the tray down upon reentering.

“Not much, now no more interruptions. What happened at the Temple?” Her tone was firm, determined for there to be no more stalling. Even though her back was turned to her as Leliana poured them both tea.

With a heavy sigh, Ria slid off the bed and sat on the floor, her back pressed against the bed. “Well, there was the confrontation with the Wardens,”

“Yes, I know,” she said, coming to sit next to her. “I read the reports. One mentioned how you collapsed during it, but it didn’t elaborate any further. I even wrote to Hawke, Karina, and Stroud to ask for details and none had an answer.”

“Unsurprising since two out of the three didn’t even know I was a Warden,” she grumbled, taking a sip from her cup.

“Dhavaria.” Leliana surprised her by using her actual name.

“Okay, okay. The mage lord from Tevinter was getting into the minds of Warden mages. He coaxed them into sacrificing their brothers and sisters for a ritual to bind demons to them. Your Darkspawn magister wants a demon army and infiltrated the Grey Wardens to get it.” Leliana’s face held no emotion, she knew all of this already but was being patient with her. “He knew immediately I was a mage _and _a Warden, Leli, he tried to get into my mind. It wasn’t like a foolish demon in the Fade, this felt like claws piercing my temples, trying to crack my skull open. That was the closest I had ever been to losing myself. Do you even realize how terrifying that is? I have never had a scare so bad, usually, I can ward demons away with ease!”

Now Leliana was worried, though she knew it was best to not interrupt.

“I’m so tired, Leli. I haven’t slept well in weeks because of it. Every time I closed my eyes it seems like the demons in the Fade have been waiting for me!” Her eyes were filling with frustrated tears. “And every time, I’m either back at Kinloch when it fell or at Ostagar. I constantly have to watch Cullen be tortured over and over again, sometimes until death! Or I watch helplessly as Duncan, Cailin, and all the other Wardens are needlessly slaughtered. It persists until a force myself awake and pretend as if everything is okay.”

Leliana reached to grab her hand, grounding her, and letting her know that she was there. “Then don’t,” she said softly, catching Ria’s confused gaze. “Don’t pretend. You have people here who love and care for you.”

She looked away, unable to meet her eyes. “That’s just it, Leli. I’m tired of running. I’ve been running for the past ten years. All this time in search of the cure for the Taint and it’s in my grasp. I just haven’t begun to rid myself of it,”

“Why?”

Ria stood, her tea sitting forgotten on the ground as she moved to a window close by. “Because I’m scared,” she whispered.

Leliana’s stare was heavy on her back as silence settled in the room. “What is there to be afraid of? This is what you wanted, right?”

“Yes, but that’s not what frightens me. I know the cure works,”

“Then what is it?” She heard her friend begin to approach.

Ria’s head now hung low in defeat. “I’ve lost myself in it all. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

She recalled back to her conversation with Cullen the night before. _You have always been Ria to me. _But who even was Ria?

“Dhavaria, listen to me,” Leliana placed a hand on her shoulder, prompting her to turn towards her. “I know who you were. You were a mage from a now broken Circle. You were a Grey Warden. You defeated the Archdemon a decade ago and lived to tell the tale. You’ve been through so many hardships, but none of that matters. What does matter is who you decide to be now. I swear on the Maker that I will support you in any endeavor, Dhavaria Surana.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks as they embraced one another. “I really need people to stop making blasphemous swears to me, the Maker has enough to deal with,” she said with a sound that was a mix of a laugh and sob.

Leliana held her tightly with a laugh of her own. “Stay with the Inquisition, with me and with Cullen. We’ll handle everything a step at a time, okay?”

She nodded when they broke away from each other.

“Is this a good time to say I want to stop going by Seriah when this Grey Warden business is all over?”

“I saw that one coming. Dhavaria, then?” Leliana tucked a fiery piece of hair behind her ear, it had grown out quite a bit.

“Yes, although it might not be wise to expose my last name.”

“Agreed. And you’re sure this is what you want?”

“There are fewer things I have been so sure about in my entire life,” Dhavaria said with a smile, “and this is certainly one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day to all who celebrate it! I love v-day, personally, and enjoy all the notations surrounding it. I hope you enjoy this chapter (which has some romance perfect for the occasion :) )! I'd love to hear what y'all think so far!


	17. Dressed in Cloth of Starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part I of Halamshiral

There were no words to fully describe the beauty of Halamshiral.

Dhavaria peered through an opening in the curtain covering the window of the carriage. It was made out of a deep-toned wood, its accents gold and the fabric a bloody red. The man who had invited the Inquisition to this ball—Gaspard she believed was his name—had sent posh carriages and fine horses for them to attend the event. It was obvious that he wanted it to be known the members of the Inquisition were _his _guests. Just the thought forced her to bury the urge to roll her eyes. Maker’s mercy, she hated Orlesians.

Cullen’s thought process was appearing to align with her own as he looked thoroughly unamused with the whole spectacle, even seeming a bit ill at the very idea of being trapped within a sea of entitled Orlesians. He fidgeted with his uniform, adjusting the sash that draped over his shoulder and tied around his waist or pulling at his cuffs. His restlessness caused pointed looks from Josephine and an annoyed look on Leliana’s face as they sat across from them.

In an attempt to remedy some of his nerves, she took one of his gloved hands with a reassuring smile. His eyes met hers and he relaxed just enough to satisfy the two women across from them.

“Everything will be alright, darling,” she whispered, squeezing his hand.

He nodded and rested his other hand over top of hers, holding it as if it were the only thing keeping him grounded.

Their carriage arrived before Karina and her party in order for them to begin getting things situated within the palace. Dhavaria helped Leliana with spies, assuring them that she would be available if needed for any reason. The cold blade against her thigh was a silent promise to act on whatever needed to be done. From what Leliana had told her, the Game was ruthless. It was life or death. She figured Karina knew such things already, being from a noble background. Would knights of the holy be ready to push those boundaries?

On her way to seek out her Commander, Dhavaria could hear the hushed whispers of the wealthy as she passed by.

“Look, someone dressed up one of their pet rabbits,” one woman snickered.

“Dress it up all you want, but you can always pick out a knife-ear.”

Dhavaria whipped around to face them, glaring coldly. “I suggest you address me directly or keep it to yourself before I cut that disgusting tongue of yours from your head.”

Even with their masks, she could see how startled they were by such a confrontation. It was obvious elves refrained from talking back to them, most likely in fear of consequences. But she feared no man, no human.

She spared them no more of her time as she hastened inside, her face flushed with fury. A hand caught her arm and she was almost blinded by her rage until she realized who it was.

“Ria,” Cullen’s worried voice washed over her, “what happened? Are you alright?”

“If people keep calling me knife-ear, I will make a pile of Orlesian tongues by the end of the night,” she grumbled.

He was rattled by her comment, but it quickly was replaced by anger. “Who did? Don’t worry, I will have this sorted out,”

His persistence made her smile a bit. “Cullen, even if you give them a stern talking to their heads are so far up their own asses they won’t hear you.”

She was rewarded with a choked laugh as Leliana and Josephine joined them.

“I happened to overhear some guests complaining of a rabid elf threatening to dismember them. Know anything about that?” Leliana asked her quietly.

“Perhaps, we shall feast on the flesh of the rich by the end of the night if it continues on like this,” Dhavaria said, prompting her friend to shake her head.

Karina and her party—which included Dorian, Madame Vivienne, and Cassandra—made their entrance. Josephine waved them over to talk before the introductions were set to begin.

“Remember the importance of the Game,” the Ambassador stressed, already looking quite flustered, “every word you say matters. The approval of the Court is a necessity.” Her focus was mostly on Karina.

It was strange to see her out of her usual Templar garb. Instead, she wore the same uniform as the rest of the members of the Inquisition.

“My scouts are stationed throughout the palace keeping an eye on things. We have Ria at our disposal tonight as well if any of you get into _trouble_,” Leliana emphasized the last word, glancing in her direction.

Dhavaria nodded. “You only need to ask and it will be dealt with.”

Their group broke off as Josephine continued to talk to Karina, hurriedly going over more reminders and rules she needed to abide by. Leliana’s attention was caught by someone she knew from her days as a bard and was chatting while waiting to enter the ballroom.

Cullen stood stiffly by Cassandra, who seemed to be just as uncomfortable. She made her way to the pair, giving them both a smile. “Ready to get this over with?” she asked, adjusting the placement of his sash on his shoulder.

“Maker, _yes_,” he said with a groan.

Dhavaria smiled, looking over at the Seeker. “Lady Pentaghast, I figured you would be a native to such formalities coming from a royal background.”

She snorted. “Please, Ria, I told you to call me Cassandra.” Their short conversation was interrupted by Josie’s summoning of Cassandra, much to her despair.

After her departure, Cullen caught Dhavaria’s arm gently. “Stay close tonight?” he leaned forward, his phrased as a question rather than a statement.

“As much as I can,” she promised, a small smile on her lips as she gazed up at him.

That seemed to be enough for the time being as he began to shift uncomfortably, other things on his mind. “I need to have this uniform taken out a little, I’m finding it difficult to breathe.”

She was beginning to feel the heavy stares of the other guests fall on them as they passed, beginning to filter into the ballroom, not that she cared very much. Cullen didn’t even seem to notice at all which was probably better for them both.

“You do look quite handsome though.”

He smiled at her, love haunting his gaze as he finally _looked_ at her. His eyes took her figure in, drinking in the sight. “Maker’s breath, I haven’t even told you how beautiful you are.” He murmured, touching a piece of her dark hair that framed her face.

Leliana had personally gone and settled the matter of Dhavaria’s attire. The fabric was a royal blue that complimented the brown of her skin. It hugged the thinness of her form, flattering her figure. Around her neck hung a string of jewels she could not name, borrowed from Madame Vivienne to compliment the straight neckline just under her collarbone and held by thin straps. She had been surprised the mage trusted her enough to wear such expensive pieces. Thinking about that responsibility made her a bit anxious in truth, the last thing she wanted was to upset her.

The dress had to be hemmed and altered to fit an elf, but between Vivienne, Leliana, and Josephine, she had been well taken care of. The three seemed to have the time of their lives doing so.

“Quite a change from robes and armor, isn’t it?” Dhavaria couldn’t help but laugh.

“I mean, you always look beautiful, but tonight…” he trailed off, running his hand over the scar on the side her face.

“Cullen,” Leliana called him, gesturing towards the door to the ballroom.

She looked back at him, smoothing down his uniform once more. “Duty calls. Find me after you get this out of the way.”

“You aren’t being introduced?” he asked her, puzzled.

“Andraste’s ashes, no. I have enough eyes on me already, I don’t need the entire Court’s attention.” She shook her head, horrified at the idea.

He kissed her cheek before parting from her, leaving her blushing and with more people looking at her curiously. She watched him join the others before they disappeared into the ballroom. Once they were gone, she sighed, knowing she had already caught the attention of many even without being formally introduced.

Skillfully avoiding any conversation with people outside the Inquisition, Dhavaria made her way into the ballroom, determined to find the alcohol. She was going to need it to make it through tonight. Perhaps she should’ve stayed in the desert with Hawke and Stroud. She pondered over this as she took a glass of red wine and as she sipped it, she secretly hoped someone would require her to break into the collection of alcohol for something stronger.

She kept to the shadows, watching the members of the Inner Circle be introduced in a booming voice. When Cullen’s name was called, she held her glass to her lips to hide the grin. It was easy to pick out the nervous blush that spread down his neck.

“I wonder if he’s single,” someone asked in a hushed whisper.

A lady giggled. “Would you really let that stand in your way?”

“I suppose not. What I would do to that fine Ferelden man,” the other woman sighed wistfully. “Oh, how I would let him ravage me.”

Now Dhavaria choked on her wine, doing her best to suppress a cough.

_Orlesians._

Little did they know she was the one ravaging _him_ most times.

With the shake of her head, she moved away, leaving behind her view of the dance floor for a nice quiet spot on the outskirts of the ballroom. She set her glass on a tall, empty table to simply observe the crowd around her.

“My, aren’t you gem among the rest.” The voice was unfamiliar but thick with an accent. Just the sound of it exhausted her and she hadn’t even turned to face him.

“Monsieur, you are too kind,” she said in a practiced tone, facing the man whose identity was hidden behind a golden mask.

He seemed pleased with this reply and continued. “I didn’t know you elves could clean up so nicely. It is quite the change from the mousey maids and savage Dalish.” It was posed as a compliment and that made her want to cut his down where he stood. “Who here do you belong to? I’m sure they would let me borrow you,” he said, grabbing her wrist tightly.

She felt the Fade shift around her, bending to her sudden fury. “I will give you one warning you rat-bodied bastard, get your hand _off _me and walk away now. I belong to no one and I assure you, if you don’t get your hands off me this instance, I’ll show you what savage truly means.”

His grip only tightened but his countenance darkened. “You threaten me, knife-ear? I could have you whipped bloody for that!”

“I suggest you listen to her.”

Dhavaria’s gaze flew to the speaker, relief washing over her. Cullen stood tall, towering over the man, looking ready for a fight as he rested his hand on the pommel of his sword. Leliana was close behind, seeming just as angry.

“Forgive me, I didn’t realize the Inquisition brought its servants to such an event. You should keep them more in check, though!” He finally released her from his grasp, leaving behind an angry red mark.

As much as she wanted to strike him, there were too many witnesses.

“She is no servant,” Leliana spat, “and I suggest you lay off the drink, monsieur before you get yourself into too much trouble.”

Cullen pulled her to him as Leliana dealt with the man as if he were protecting her from him. When the man sauntered away, he examined her wrist and asked her in a hurried tone, “Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”

While Leliana said, “He will be dead by tomorrow, worry not.”

In all honesty, she was a bit touched by their worries and a bit curious as to which method Leli would use to carry out such an action.

“I’m okay, simply glad you both came when you did or the Game would have become much more public.”

Leliana laughed at this, but Cullen was not amused.

“I do need something from you, Ria,” Leliana said in a hushed tone, her eyes scanning for people too near. “One of my agents needs assistance in the gardens, your aid would be much appreciated.”

She nodded. “Consider it done.” Looking to Cullen, who still couldn’t shake his worried expression, she smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry about me, Commander,” she said playfully, “worry about the women here who want to you to ravage them.”

Now he was alarmed, looking around. “What are you talking about?” he managed to ask over Leliana’s laughter.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll find out.” She grinned, stretching to press a kiss to his cheek, a lipstick mark lingering on his skin. “I will be back in no time.”


	18. Grey Wardens Don't Do Politics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part II of Halamshiral

“Andraste’s ass,” Scout Tallon groaned, “how soaked with Orlesian blood will I be before the night ends?”

She was an elf as well, from Highever, Dhavaria had discovered. It seemed she was the complete opposite of herself when it came to looks. Her hair was an ashen blonde that made her look even paler than she already was and her large blue eyes were constantly darting around the room, looking for some sort of danger. This was the counterpart to Dhavaria, whose brown skin deepened in the moonlight and her hair was a dark, rich color just like her eyes. They had bonded quickly, however, relating to how many times they had gotten “knife-ear” thrown at them while they cleaned their weapons of blood. Perhaps, the fact that Dhavaria saved her life helped as well.

“You would be covered in a lot more than Orlesian blood if Morgan didn’t send a message,” she pointed out, wiping off one of the daggers she had thrown prior. During the fight, she had been especially careful to not get closer than necessary. She suspected Leliana, Josie, and Vivienne would _not _be happy at the discovery.

The scout sighed. “Fair enough.”

The two were in the gardens, bodies of a group of Venatori littered the ground around them. It had been a nasty fight for two people. Luckily, Tallon was skilled with her blades.

A bell rang inside the palace.

“Will you be alright from here?” Dhavaria asked her to which she nodded.

She left her in the gardens to sneak through the supposedly restricted parts of the palace.

_If they wanted people to stay out, they shouldn’t have made it so damn easy to access._

Before she could emerge back into the space where the guests were gathered, Leliana appeared before her.

“Good, I was beginning to get worried,” she said, glancing behind her at the door leading out of the royal apartments.

“You know not to doubt me. This isn’t my first time sneaking through a palace and something tells me it won’t be the last.” Dhavaria grinned, thumbing the fabric of her skirt.

Ignoring the comment, Leliana continued. “There’s something I want to show you.”

They walked quickly through the corridor, keeping an eye out for any guards or people at work with the Game. There were none. In fact, it was eerily quiet. The only sound that she could hear was their shoes hitting the ground and Leliana’s breathing.

Finally, they stopped before a door. The Spymaster knocked before opening it and beckoning Dhavaria inside.

Moonlight seeped through the window panes, decorating the room in soft hues of light. It seemed to be just like all of the other chambers in the Winter Palace and she was just about to question why she was brought here until she noticed there was an occupant.

A tall, slender woman who wore a ballgown with a full skirt. Raven black hair was pulled back and pinned to her head. Even with her back turned to them, Dhavaria would recognize that figure from anywhere.

She wasted no more time and bolted across the room towards the silhouette. Just as she turned around, Dhavaria slammed into her, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“It has been too long, my friend.” Morrigan returned the hug after a moment to catch her breath.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here! I almost didn’t recognize you in a _dress_,” she said with a laugh, finally letting go of her friend. “How is my nephew? Is he here as well?”

“I try to keep him separate from my image so people do not think of him as they do myself. He is not present at this ball,” Morrigan told her, pulling away to assess the state of her friend. “Leliana didn’t tell me that you would be attending tonight. Truthfully, I had no idea you were even a part of the Inquisition. Why have you come out of hiding, my friend?”

She explained what was going on with the Wardens and how it had been affecting her as well. Morrigan seemed concerned as she asked, “What happened to ridding yourself of the Taint? You have the cure.”

Dhavaria looked away from her, pain illuminating her face for the slightest of moments. “There are more important matters than what I want right now. Once this business with the Wardens is over, I plan to carry out the cure,” she confirmed, glancing over for Leliana’s reaction.

Her friend wore a face made of marble, unmoving and emotionless. They had not really talked about her subjecting herself to this uncertain cure, but it had to be done. The Taint was cruel and unforgiving, she would not have many years left if she didn’t go through with it. There was so much more she wanted to live for now. Dhavaria had her future in mind.

“I plan to depart from the Inquisition to do so. The last thing I want to do is put anyone in Skyhold through the horrors of purging such a disease.”

“What?” Leliana interrupted. “But you’d be better off with us in case something were to happen.”

The other two turned to the speaker. Morrigan was without a smart remark, instead, she pondered quietly over the whole idea in general.

Dhavaria shook her head. “None of you need to witness this, I might not even make it out alive.”

“All the more reason for you to stay!” She hissed, not entertaining the idea in the slightest.

“Enough,” Morrigan broke off their argument, “this is no place for such talk. If you both have forgotten, there is an assassin within these halls and I must get back to Celene.”

The silent agreement that this would not be the end of such discussion, they parted ways with the witch, who sashayed through the corridors like a shadow.

When she and Leliana made their return to the ballroom, Karina could be spotted with the Duchess on the dance floor. It wasn’t hard to pick the Inquisitor out thanks to the bright red of the Inquisition uniform.

Looking back, she realized Leliana had paused to converse with a noble from her days as an Orlesian bard, leaving Dhavaria to venture on by herself.

Her previous experience within the ballroom made her more cautious when picking her way through the large and gaudy room. Even with how big the space was, it still felt as if she were tripping over the feet of the wealthy with every step, each one giving her dirty looks as she passed. She paid them no mind. They didn’t matter to her and they didn’t know who she was even with her lack of mask.

Finally, she found what—or _who_—she had been looking for. Dhavaria heard him before spotting him, for a crowd had gathered around him.

“No, I am not married…_yet_. I am spoken for, however,” Cullen’s voice carried over all the others. His words made her heart flutter.

His denial did nothing to discourage his following. She believed it only made them more interested in him.

“Excuse me,” she murmured, beginning to cut through the wall of onlookers.

Cullen looked extremely uncomfortable and very out of place. She had seen him in a variety of clothing and never found something she didn’t like, but this uniform truly did look odd on him. It was too stiff, too pompous—the opposite of her poor Commander who was quite literally backed into a corner.

“Commander,” she called to him, his eyes lighting up when he realized she was there, “I’m afraid I must borrow you.” Dhavaria was beside him, slipping her hand into his, drawing gasps from his audience. “Urgent Inquisition matters,” she said with a sweet smile before pulling him away.

He gripped her hand tightly as they walked. It seemed as though he thought if he let her go, the Orlesians would swamp him and bombard him with personal questions once more.

“You have quite the following,” she remarked as they found a quiet space on one of the balconies. They were surprisingly by themselves on the balcony. The silence of the night engulfed them, leaving only the muffled music coming from inside as a reminder of where they were.

“I don’t know who they are, they just wouldn’t leave me alone,” he complained, leaning against the railing. “I’m thankful you came when you did, for your attention is the only I desire.”

She smiled, stepping forward to wrap her arms around him to which he did the same. Dhavaria felt his chin rest on top of her head as he held her. It was where she always felt safest, the walls of his arms were impenetrable to anyone but themselves. “You know I’ll always come back to you. I promised, remember?”

He hummed his reply, pulling away only to tip her face up towards his to press a tender kiss to her lips.

“Commander, Mistress Seriah,” someone said from the doorway, sounding extremely uncomfortable, “you’re needed inside. Your presence has been requested.”

With a heavy sigh, Cullen pulled away, glaring at the messenger. “We will be there in a moment.”

The soldier scurried off with a quick “ser” and left them alone once more.

“It never ends,” he whispered, running the back of his knuckles over her cheek.

“I am sure we will have some _alone time_ later,” she purred with a suggestive grin, making him chuckle with flushed cheeks. “Though, would you save me a dance before then, Commander?”

Cullen snorted. “No, thank you. You know I don’t dance,” he said with such conviction it made her roll her eyes.

“Not even for me?”

“Not in such a public space,” he said, offering her his elbow so they could make their way back inside. “You know the Templars never had balls.”

She hummed a reply, keeping close to him as they walked. The fabric of his uniform was rough against her skin, just one more reason to despise such an outfit.

When they reentered the ballroom, she could feel eyes on them like a beast watching its prey. Looks of longing and envy were scattered among the guests as they passed, throwing unpleasant looks her way with words of surprise to their friends that the Commander of the Inquisition could fraternize with an elf.

“I took him to have some sort of standards,” one had said.

“That knife-ear is probably just his plaything. You know men and their pets.”

Dhavaria acted like she simply didn’t hear a word they were saying. Cullen, on the other hand, was growing increasingly bothered by the comments.

He pulled her even closer to him as if that would save her. “If I could only…” he trailed off, grumbling to himself.

“Whatever you’re thinking, Josie would kill you.” She kept her tone light, like none of it affected her. And in truth, the majority didn’t anymore. She had become so used to it during her travels around Thedas. Although, sometimes words slipped through the cracks, injuring her—not that she would admit it to him that instant.

They pushed on, ignoring all of their spectators, and finally found Josie who was waiting with an extremely disgruntled Karina.

Before they had reached the pair, Leliana arrived first, immediately questioning Karina. “Were you _dancing _with Duchess Florianne?” She seemed shocked, although Dhavaria didn’t know why.

The question seemed to get Cullen back on track. “More importantly,” he said when they joined them, “what happened in the servants quarters? I heard there was fighting.” He let go of her, instead, opting to rest a hand on the small of her back. Whether he did it consciously or not, she did not know.

“The Grand Duchess told me there’s proof Gaspard is in league with Tevinter,” Karina informed them, her eyes catching Cullen’s movement.

“She offered up her own brother?” Leliana was taken aback once more. “She’s more cutthroat than I expected.”

Cullen stiffened beside her. “Then the attack on the Empress _will _happen tonight.”

Dhavaria stood silent, her gaze wandered to the doors that led to the balcony Celene had been occupying. She didn’t know too much about the woman, but she knew enough to realize letting her die would be a poor idea.

“Warning Celene is pointless,” Josie said with a sigh. “She needs these talks to succeed, and to flee would admit defeat.”

_Stupid._ That was the only thing running through her mind.

“Then perhaps we should let her die.”

Dhavaria let out a breath in pure shock. She knew how ruthless Leliana had become over the years, but rarely had she witnessed that cold-blooded character emerge. It made her stomach turn and chills run down her side.

“I thought we were here to _stop _the assassination,” Karina hissed, narrowing her eyes at the Spymaster.

“Listen to me carefully, Inquisitor,” she began, unfazed. “What Corypheus wants is chaos. Even with Celene alive, that could still happen.”

_But it would lessen the chance immensely._

“To foil his plan, the empire must remain strong. This evening, _someone _must emerge victorious,” Leliana continued, her eyes never wavering from the Templar’s.

“And it doesn’t need to be Celene,” Cullen said to himself. “She’s right.”

Dhavaria could scarcely believe her ears. She looked at him in horror, taking a step away from him. He, however, didn’t notice much for he was busy working.

“Do you _realize _what you’re suggesting, Leliana?” Finally, someone sane.

“Sometimes the best path is not the easiest.”

The conversation alone made her want to vomit. Simply the idea of deciding the fate of an empire none of them was a part of made her feel dirty. She looked to Karina who had been silently listening to them bicker.

“You’re asking me to decide what’s best for Orlais?” Karina asked, not seeming pleased by the notion.

“More than that. Whoever controls the Imperial Throne will affect all of Thedas,” Cullen replied to her, adopting the strong countenance of his role as Commander.

Leliana added on to him, “You cannot stop Corypheus without a decision. You must support someone, or all is lost.”

“Then we should support Celene! She is the rightful ruler,” Josie seemed desperate to sway Karina’s opinion. “Why would we say otherwise?”

“Because she led Orlais to this point,” Cullen argued. “I say, Gaspard, provided his sister is wrong about him.”

Oh Maker, she really was going to vomit. She stepped closer to Josie.

Leliana jumped in, each trying to prove their point. “I would suggest Briala. She could bring true peace, not only to the empire, but also its elves.”

They stood there and went back and forth, discussing their options in the middle of the fucking Winter Palace. Who could even tell if someone had overheard them? She had honestly stopped listening. Instead, she had been wondering how she could slip away and drink until she forgot this entire conversation. Never before had she been so jealous of Hawke.

“Seriah.” She snapped back into reality to find Karina addressing her. “I would like your opinion on this.”

Dhavaria couldn’t hide her shock. “You would?”

The Inquisitor nodded.

“Well, I am no expert on Orlesian politics, but if it were me, I’d save Celene.” She looked between Leliana and Cullen who stared back with equal surprise. “That’s what we came here to do. Yes, Orlais has a track record, but what country doesn’t? Celene is the rightful ruler. She knows what she’s doing. The last thing an already unstable country needs is an unstable ruler.”

Karina seemed to actually be listening to her. “What are your views of the other two?”

She thought for a long moment, recalling what information had been divulged. “While I am all for helping the elves, obviously, giving Briala the power of the Orlesian throne seems reckless. Is that really what you need? And Gaspard, he’s a warrior, not a ruler. Just because he has some claim to the throne does not mean he should be on the throne.”

“But, King Alistair is a warrior and he is on the throne,” Cullen pointed out, earning himself a sharp look.

“Don’t be foolish, Cullen,” Dhavaria snapped, “it is no secret Anora is the one who rules Ferelden.”

He had nothing more to say.

Karina looked at her, playing with a chestnut curl that had fallen against her cheek. “I see what you mean.”

“So?” Josie asked her hesitantly.

“We came here to save Celene and that’s what we’re doing, no exceptions.”

Dhavaria couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Karina Trevelyan had just asked for her opinion, agreed with her, and based her decision on it? Maker, she was going to faint from disbelief.

They had split off once again and the first thing she did was find a drink. If she was going to be a part of this disaster now, it wasn’t going to be while completely sober.

Drink in hand, she had found Cassandra once more, who seemed to be uncomfortable as ever. She didn’t know the Seeker well but planned on changing that. From what she knew of her, Dhavaria respected her immensely.

“You don’t dance, Lady Pentaghast?” She asked her in the wealthiest voice she could manage, grinning as she did.

Cassandra rolled her eyes but cracked a bit of a smile. “No, I would rather take on every Hinterlands bear than do so.”

“Too bad, I’m sure you’re a great dancer,” Dhavaria said, sipping her wine. “Besides, it can be incredibly _romantic_.”

“What are you suggesting?” The Seeker gasped, her cheeks reddening.

“Oh, I just know you appreciate the art of romance too,” she teased her. “Varric told me you’re a big fan of his romance serial.”

“That dwarf,” Cassandra grumbled, crossing her arms.

Dhavaria chuckled, taking another long drink. “Maybe I just wanted to borrow them.”

“Really?” She seemed surprised.

“Did I not mention I’m quite the romance fan myself?”

“I can vouch for that fact,” Cullen said, coming up behind her. Dhavaria had not even noticed him approaching.

Cassandra looked between the two of them before she settled on the elf. “We will discuss more of this later. I have them with me.” And with a quick goodbye, she hurried away, still red-faced.

Once they were alone, Cullen placed a careful hand on her shoulder, her back still to him. “Ria,” he began softly, regret coloring his tone, “I didn’t mean to upset you earlier.”

She sighed, dropping her head in defeat. “I’d rather not discuss it right now, Cullen.”

He was quiet before he prompted her to turn towards him. “I never mean to cause you pain,” he whispered, taking one of her hands. Cullen brought it to his lips, his breath hot against her knuckles, as he kissed it.

“I know you didn’t,” she reassured him, squeezing his hand.

He smiled, relief crossing over his features.   
“So much for Grey Wardens not involving themselves in politics. I’m zero for two in that situation,” she sighed dramatically, not being able to drive away the accompanying smile.

Cullen laughed, moving to pull her close. “Yes, that does not seem to be one of your strengths.”

“Mistress Seriah!”

Dhavaria almost groaned at being interrupted again. Cullen seemed equally annoyed with the Inquisition scout but hid it better than her.

“Sorry, ser, Commander.” He looked nervously at the man with her. “The Inquisitor requires your presence in the royal quarters. It’s urgent.”

“Understood, I will go immediately.”

That seemed to be enough to drive off the agent for they hurried off to escape the heavy stare of the Commander.

“Duty calls,” she said, standing on her toes to kiss his cheek. “I will find you once this is taken care of. Careful of your admirers, I’m sure they are anxious to get you back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not foresee the Winter Palace going beyond two parts but I guess we're on to part three. Oh goodness. 
> 
> I hope you all are enjoying it! Thank you so much for reading!


	19. A Goddess of His Own

The night had been long—too long.

Her dress was torn at the bottom and spotted with dirt and blood from the battles fought towards the end of the ball. Celene was safe and left to squabble with Gaspard and Briala on their own time, meanwhile, Florianne laid dead in the courtyard just beyond the ballroom.

Dhavaria had fled to an empty balcony right after the fight ended. She had no interest in being present while the Empress thanked the Inquisition and Karina would most certainly give a speech. These suspicions were confirmed when cheering came from inside.

Maker, she was _exhausted, _and she was beginning to feel sick from all the pomp and circumstance around her. That and the itch of the Calling was making her head hurt rather badly tonight. The stone railing in front of her was supporting the majority of her weight, her eyes fluttering closed as a breeze brushed across her face. Its coolness was a welcomed feeling against her flushed skin.

“Ria?” A hand was placed on the small of her back. “Are you alright, I was looking everywhere for you.”

She sighed lowly, opening her eyes slowly to face Cullen.

His face was plastered with a worried look. If she was feeling more chipper, she would tease him that frowning would give him wrinkles.

“Were you hurt?” Cullen asked her, examining her for any wounds.

“Just a few cuts and bruises,” she reassured him, “I’ve had worse.”

The tiredness of her tone made him pause. “What’s on your mind?”

“It’s just been a long night, I’m ready for it to end,” Dhavaria said, inspecting a dried speck of blood on her skirt.

He said nothing in return. Instead, he opened his arms to her, which she gladly fell in to.

Cullen held her close, still quiet. He knew her too well that it scared her at times. There would have been nothing he could say to quell her souring mood. What she needed was him and the comfort of his embrace.

Dhavaria rested her cheek against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Although the fabric of his uniform was scratchy, she preferred it to the heavy metal of his breastplate.

Any styling that Leliana had done to her hair earlier was forgotten now as it hung loose. Ever since she had come to Skyhold, she had stopped cutting it so much. It was the longest it had been in ages as it brushed her shoulders. Taking advantage of this fact, Cullen tenderly ran his fingers through it and smoothed it down afterward as best he could.

The commotion inside had calmed and music could be heard once more.

Pulling away, Cullen looked down at her, a nervous smile replacing his worry. “My lady,” he bowed slightly, extending his hand. “May I have this dance?”

That brought a smile to her own face and she placed her hand in his. “I thought you didn’t dance.”

“For you,” he whispered, pulling her closer, “I’ll try.”

_Ria,_

_I hope you’re enjoying the Winter Palace  
while I sweat my ass off in the dessert.  
Although, I still would take the dessert over  
a ball surrounded by pompous asses. _

_To the point though—you’re needed back  
here. The Wardens retreated into Adamant  
just as Stroud predicted. Andraste’s tits,  
you should hear the noises coming from it._

_We can do nothing more than monitor the   
situation from afar, but it would be nice to  
have a pair of eyes (or wings for that matter)  
to get a look as to what’s going on without  
raising alarm bells. _

_Please also relay this information to the   
Inquisitor and her advisors. Tell them they  
will have a more detailed report coming, but  
for now, they need to high tail their asses  
here before it gets worse._

_See you soon.  
Anja_

Dhavaria sat at the ornate desk in the guest room she and Cullen had been sharing for the past week. One of his shirts was falling off her shoulders, her exposed skin warmed from the sunlight trickling in from the window, providing her light to read Hawke’s letter.

It had arrived late last night but was only delivered this morning due to them being occupied with each other’s company.

She ran her finger down the edge of the paper, taking a sip of the herbal tea a servant had brought with the letter. There was a second mug for Cullen when he awoke.

This news was something she had been waiting for. Truthfully, she was antsy to get back to the Approach and carry out the task she was requested for. She was not, however, looking forward to saying farewell to her Commander who had spoiled her with his attentions having been free from his many duties in Skyhold.

Neatly folding the letter, she placed it on the desk.

Dhavaria would tell him later of her departure, right now she wanted to enjoy their final quiet morning together.

She crept quietly to the bed, pushing the discarded formal wear from her path with a grin. He was still sleeping, the patterned sheets bunching around his waist and woven with his legs.

Carefully, she climbed onto the bed to straddle his waist, planting her hands on the curves of his abdomen.

Cullen grumbled incoherently from the disturbance as he began to wake up.

She bent down, placing light kisses up his throat and trailing to his face. She kissed his jaw, his chin, his cheeks, saving his lips for last.

Now, he was smiling, but his eyes remained closed. She knew he was awake.

“It’s time to wake up, my love,” she murmured, finally kissing him, fully drawing him from sleep.

His hand reached up to hold the side of her face, the other gripping her hip. Her amulet—the one he had given her all those years ago—fell from where it had been tucked under shirt, brushing along the center of his chest.

“Maker, I could die a happy man right now,” he said with a sigh, his eyes fluttering open.

She rested her forehead against his. “Better than the Maker’s bosom?”

“Neither the Maker nor Andraste could compete,” Cullen chuckled before rolling them over to press her against the mattress.

“Blasphemy!” Dhavaria cried out, unable to contain her laughter now mixing with his.

It was his turn to tease her with kisses, his lips tenderly journeying down her neck to her collarbones where he paused, observing the amulet like he had done so many times before. He settled against her, his head resting against her chest as he picked up the amber pendant, turning it in his fingers. She watched him quietly, beginning to play with the untamed golden curls.

“I still am surprised you kept this for all these years,” he told her, his eyes catching hers.

She smiled at him. “Cullen believe me when I tell you I hardly ever take it off. Is that a strange thing for me to do? Wear it all the time I mean.”

He didn’t answer her for a long moment, his eyes growing distant. “Yes, seeing as how we did not part on the best of terms.”

Dhavaria sighed, her gaze moving to the crimson canopy of the bed. “I do not blame you; you know.”

“You should.”

She pushed herself into a sitting position as much as she could with him laying on top of her. “Can we please not discuss this right now? I want to enjoy this limited time we have together,” her voice was harsher than she intended.

His eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I was going to tell you later, but I must leave to rejoin Hawke and Stroud in the Western Approach.” Dhavaria sunk back into the pillows. “I shall depart first thing tomorrow to help scout the area around the fortress.”

Cullen pushed himself up, not looking surprised at the news. They both knew their duties and the consequences of their tasks. Even so, it didn’t make saying goodbye any easier, especially because their work could be dangerous.

“Alone?” He asked as he settled next to her.   
“Yes, and I’m not sure when we shall return to Skyhold—or _if _we will. It may be that the Inquisition must meet us in the desert.”

His hand sought hers out, grasping it tightly. “Is it wrong to say I miss you already and you’re sitting beside me?”

Dhavaria squeezed his hand and a small smile. “Not if I share those feelings.”

She sighed as he wrapped her in his arms, breathing in the comforting scent that hung heavy on his skin as she allowed her head to rest against his chest. “I promise I’ll write to you often.”

He pressed a kiss on the top of her head before smoothing down her hair tenderly. “Please do,” Cullen whispered, pulling her closer if that was at all possible, “because not having you with me will surely drive me mad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the lack of updates!
> 
> My mom had contracted COVID a few weeks ago and I had to take time to focus on my family and personal life. No worries because she made a full recovery. However, on top of it, I had to leave my dorms last minute because of my university shutting down so I had to move back home. So I just want to say thank you for your patience as I try to get back on a regular routine!
> 
> I hope you all are safe and staying at home!! 
> 
> (also apologies for such a short chapter lmfao)
> 
> <3 ladyelori


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